SEX education lessons should be given to schoolchildren as young as five as part of a bid to combat soaring levels of teenage pregnancy and sexual disease, Scotland’s most senior public health doctor said last night.

Dr Charles Saunders, chairman of the British Medical Association’s Scottish consultants’ committee, warned that schools were leaving the safe-sex message so late that many teenagers were already exposing themselves to avoidable risk.

Saunders also called for secondary schools to hand out condoms and other forms of contraception to children from the age of 13.

His comments are the most radical call for reform of sex education in Scotland ever to be made by such a senior doctors’ leader.

Last night, parents’ groups gave Saunders’ remarks their cautious backing and the Scottish Government said it was up to individual schools to decide when to begin sex education. But the Catholic Church in Scotland said it would oppose any such move, describing it as “pointless”.

Scotland’s sexual health record is one of the poorest in the western world. Teenage pregnancies are on the rise with 9,040 in 2005, the latest year for which figures are available, compared with 8,891 in 2004. Cases of sexually transmitted diseases are also rising. In April to June this year, Scottish laboratories saw 4,715 cases of chlamydia - up 6% from 4,468 in January to March.

Saunders, a consultant in public health medicine at NHS Fife, said: “It needs to start at quite an early age, because if you leave it until they are 12 it is too late because some are already experimenting. It probably needs to be started off when children start school. You need to start laying the groundwork to help them and empower them to make decisions and turn things down.

“At five it needs to be a language that they understand and taught in the same way as any other subject. It would be basic mechanics at that age in the same way as you teach a child of that age a tiny amount about geography, a fairly superficial introduction.

“It should start off with relatively simple concepts in the same way as English and science start off with the basics. It could start off with how babies are made and progress from there.”

He added: “You need to start somewhere and it makes an awful lot of sense to start long before it’s needed, because if you leave it too long you are wasting your time.

“Basically sex education needs to be a whole lot better. It’s not just anatomical drawings but what the risks are from infections and what the pros and cons are of having sex or waiting.

“It’s not a simple task to get young people empowered enough to use condoms, but it’s the key. You want to ensure people are not having sex when they don’t want to have it, and that when they do want to have it they are not putting themselves at risk.”

Saunders added that all schools should also provide contraception to pupils. Currently contraception is on offer at a small number of schools.

He said: “Particularly in rural areas, schools may well be the only way that pupils can access contraception.

“It may well be that as time goes on it would make sense to have emergency contraception in schools.”

The Scottish Government allows local authorities and head teachers to set their own sex education policies, provided they are deemed appropriate to the age of the child and parents are happy with the subject matter.

In the majority of cases children do not learn about sex until Primary Six or Seven, when they are 10 or 11. They are not taught about the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases until secondary school.

A school could introduce sex education in Primary One, provided parents and teachers agreed it was the right move.

Judith Gillespie, development manager of the Scottish Parent Teacher Council, said she was undecided about whether

five was the appropriate age to begin sex education, but she recognised Saunders’ concerns.

She said: “We do have to step up our sex education, but if they want to move forward with this they can’t just take it into schools, they have to have the support of parents.

“Sex education is an area where schools have to approach parents, and parents have the opportunity to veto it. We need to have a concerted information campaign so that parents understand it.”

A spokesman for the teaching union the Educational Institute of Scotland

said: “While it is sensible to examine ways of improving the quality of information available to pupils, we must always take full account of the concerns of both the parents of the children concerned, and the teachers who are expected to deliver sex and relationship education.”

However, a spokesman for the Catholic Church said five-year-olds were too young to understand sex.

He said: “When children reach puberty they are able to assimilate information about their own sexuality but they are just not ready at five. It’s way over their heads and would be as pointless as giving a five-year-old a talk on alcohol. At the age of 15 it’s a different matter.”

Public Health Minister Shona Robison

said: “We expect all schools to teach sex and relationships education and we expect them to consult parents about the content of sex and relationships education programmes.

“Any sex and relationships education needs to be appropriate to the age and stage of the pupils involved. Younger pupils might start learning about the broad idea of relationships, and family and friends, for example.

“We are not persuaded of the need to provide emergency contraception on school premises but do want to ensure that such services are available and are accessible in other local facilities.”

Children of five ’should be given sex lessons’

Sex education lessons should be given to children as young as five in an attempt to combat rising levels of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, a senior public health doctor has said.
Dr Charles Saunders warned that schools were leaving the “safe sex message” so late that many youngsters were being exposed to unnecessary risks.

He said that by the time they were 12, many children were “already experimenting”.

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Jim Trulock and Julie Norris look like an average suburban Dallas couple. He’s a graying middle-aged divorcé pushing 60. She’s 30 years younger but partial to frumpy floral dresses. But on weekends their late-’70s split-level house in the southwestern Dallas suburb of Duncanville is transformed into “The Cherry Pit.” Tubs of whipped cream are laid out with the chips and dip on the yellow Formica countertop. A garland of thong panties adorns a kitchen wall. After a game of Naked Twister or a turn under the disco ball, Jim and Julie and their most intimate friends might pile into their steamy oversize hot tub. And for the, ahem, climax of the night? A semiprivate romp in a side bedroom or a more gregarious encounter on white sheets in “the pit”: a half-dozen beds pushed together in front of the fireplace.

Jim and Julie are swingers—couples who socialize sexually with other couples or singles living “the lifestyle,” as they call it. Surprisingly, the Cherry Pit parties held in the Texan notch of the Bible Belt went relatively unnoticed for years, despite attendance of sometimes 100 or more invited guests. They stayed under the radar partly because the couple lives on a semisecluded, wooded one-acre lot near a state park, and partly because of the libertarian streak of many Texans. Despite the presence of a Boy Scouts campground across the street, they have few neighbors. But city officials said they had received dozens of complaints over the years that the “parties” on Cedar Ridge Drive were attracting streams of traffic to their normally quiet neighborhood. After examining the couple’s Web site, officials found a request for a suggested donation of $50 per couple (since removed) and accused Trulock of running a sex business from his home. In early November the Duncanville city council passed a law against sex clubs, calling them a public nuisance to the self-proclaimed family-friendly city.

The Cherry Pit parties continued, and Trulock was cited twice for the misdemeanor crime of operating a sex club. On Wednesday Trulock filed suit against the city, saying the new law is unconstitutional on the grounds that it invades the couple’s privacy, denies them due process and is overly vague. “What they do behind closed doors, unless it’s some kind of activity involving violence or children or animals or drugs, it’s none of the government’s business!” says their attorney, Edward Klein.

Trulock and Norris say they tried to be good neighbors. They had always set strict rules for their events: no drugs, no weapons and, above all, each guest’s wishes must be respected by other guests at all times (in other words, “no” always means “no”). After the city “attacked,” as Trulock put it in a message to the Cherry Pit’s Yahoo online group, which has almost 4,000 members, they tried to keep the party going by encouraging car pools. When the city erected No Parking signs on the street in front of their driveway, they arranged for off-site parking. They toned down their Web site and tried to explain their lifestyle to the gawkers and TV camera crews that began cruising by their house. Bloggers joked that Baptists were trying to shut the swinger parties down because they might lead to dancing. Many of Trulock and Norris’s neighbors told reporters they have a “live and let live” attitude toward what the couple does behind closed doors. But others denounced the swinging lifestyle. “It’s immoral,” says one neighbor, Jack Martin, a 74-year-old retiree. “Would you want someone living next to you who was a pedophile if you have a bunch of kids? It’s on the same line. The frame of mind is the same. The end result is the same: sex.”

Norris, a 29-year-old nonpracticing attorney with a law degree from Southern Methodist University, is cheerfully open about swinging, which she describes as a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle for couples. Their attorney has advised them to refrain from media interviews while their criminal case is pending, but she spoke briefly with NEWSWEEK. One common misconception about swingers, she says, is that they have troubled relationships. “Many people who are swingers believe that it saved their marriage. Now it’s part of their marriage and part of who they are. But it has to be something you need or are interested in.” While Norris and Trulock aren’t married, many swingers are, she says. Other areas of the country are more open to the swinging lifestyle, Norris adds. But in Texas “the fear is if one little small town can do it, then everyone can.”

No one knows how many swingers there are, but there is a growing number of Web sites, clubs and resorts that cater to the swinging lifestyle. Robert McGinley, founder and president of NASCA (informally known as the North America Swing Club Association), says many people “want more than just one bite of the apple.” McGinley, now 74, became an activist for the swinging lifestyle almost 40 years ago with his wife. Today there are swinger clubs operating as public businesses or gatherings in private homes in almost every major city in America, he says. “In the United States we’re rather uptight compared to all other Western countries when it comes to sexual behavior. But you cannot outlaw sex. You can try all you want to, but it won’t stand up in life, even if it stands up in the courts. We are full-time sexual beings.”

Swinging isn’t new. California military families reportedly swapped wives at the first “key parties” in the 1950s; these events later became part of the lore of the swinging ’60s and ’70s. Today’s modern swinging movement includes conventions and national publications—and Swing Stock, a four-day campout in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area featuring group showers and the crowning of a king and queen. Swingers even have their own generation gap; older swingers feel that the youth are too superficial or that they are looking for a “big orgy” instead of strengthening their current relationships and making new friendships, says Curtis Bergstrand, head of sociology at Bellarmine University, a Roman Catholic institution in Louisville, Ky.

The Cherry Pit started as a private gathering in an apartment in the 1980s in a neighborhood popular with young urban professionals. It outgrew those digs and eventually moved with its host to Duncanville. In 2004 Trulock and Norris restarted the parties, which compete for patrons of other Dallas-area swinger clubs, including the Silver Minx, Velvet Curtain, Spankee’s Club, Iniquity and the Rustic Red House, to name a few.
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Sex – it does the body good.

Yet most of us are quicker to hit the gym before hitting the sheets when it comes to taking care of ourselves. Believe it or not, huffing and puffing your way through a hot, sweat-inducing sex session may be far more beneficial to your overall health than the time you spend on the treadmill.

As research confirms time and time again, good sex in a healthy, stable, monogamous relationship can only better our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Sex, in this context, offers us tons of benefits, most of which aren’t touted nearly enough.

Here are just a few benefits:

— Weight loss and weight control. Forget torturing yourself with the latest fad diet or hours on the elliptical machine when you can burn about 200 calories in 30 minutes of sex! Lovemaking lends itself to improved strength, flexibility, muscle tone, and cardiovascular conditioning. Plus, there’s something super sexy about getting to sleep with your very own “personal trainer.”

— Pain management. Forgo popping a pain killer and opt for something a bit more “au naturel.” Sex has been shown to offer migraine and menstrual cramp relief, as well as alleviate chronic back pain thanks to the endorphins and corticosteroids released during sexual arousal and orgasm.

— Stress relief. Sex, even if only with ourselves, impacts the way we respond to stress, increasing levels of oxytocin and stimulating feelings of warmth and relaxation. What better way to unwind from a tough day than sharing its most climactic moment with your special someone?

— Immune booster. Stop spending late nights at the office. Sex wards off colds and the flu. And sexually active people take fewer sick days, giving the phrase “working late” an entirely new meaning. Bosses, take note.

— Better heart health. A little bit of heart and soul in the sack should be part of every doctor’s orders when it comes to cardiovascular care. Sex may help lower cholesterol and the risk of heart attack.

— Increased self-esteem and intimacy. When sex is consistent and involves mutual pleasure, it can increase bonding since the surge in oxytocin at orgasm stimulates feelings of affection, intimacy, and closeness. When spiritual in nature, sex can lead to an even better quality of life and stronger relationship. Is it any wonder that good sexual energy in a positive relationship can make you feel better about yourself, your partner, and life in general?

— Sleep enhancement. There’s no need to count sheep when sex, including masturbation, helps insomnia. Plus, making love sure beats tossing and turning your way to zzzz’s.

— A better, younger looking you. Sex keeps you looking and feeling younger and, according to some research, may lead to shiny hair, a glowing complexion and bright eyes. This is because it increases the youth-promoting hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrostone). And feeling more attractive charges your sex life even more.

— Mood lifter. Sex releases pleasure-inducing endorphins during arousal and climax that can relieve depression and anxiety, and increase vibrancy.

— Longevity. There is a significant relationship between frequency of orgasm and risk of death, especially with men. Men who orgasm two times a week have a 50 percent lower chance of mortality than those who climax one time per month. The bonus: Living longer also gives you and your honey the opportunity for even more lovin’!

— Decreased risk of breast cancer. One study of women who had never given birth found that an increased frequency of sexual intercourse was correlated with a decrease in the incidence of breast cancer.

— Reproductive health benefits. According to at least one study, sex appears to decrease a man’s risk of prostate cancer, and the prevention of endometriosis in women. It also promotes fertility in women by regulating menstrual patterns.

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JACK Nicholson says men act like dogs after having sex. The Hollywood bad boy — famous for his womanising ways — says all guys forget about women one hour after having sex with them, just like canines, reports gossip website femalefirst.co.uk.

He said: “We have more in common with a male dog than we do with a woman in this department. This may be male chauvinism in a certain context. But, baby, it’s also science!

“I don’t have much philosophy other than ‘live in the now’. And that’s very difficult to do. Don’t leave something that you really want to do undone.”

But father-of-five Nicholson also said his promiscuous lifestyle in the ’60s could have led to him fathering up to “9 000” children.

He laughed: “There could be 9 000 for all I know — I used to live so freely.”

Nicholson, who smashed a motorist’s car window with a golf club in 1994, says golf still brings out his fiery temper.

The 70-year-old star told Men’s Journal magazine in the US: “I’m not a very Zen guy. I’ve laid in sand traps and cried, and hurled golf clubs in lakes.”

Nicholson says he gave up one-night stands over fears he would catch Aids.

The screen legend says he was terrified of catching the potentially deadly STD when it emerged and admits he became far more careful about sleeping with strangers.

Nicholson said: “In my lifetime, from World War 2 on, life got freer and freer until herpes, then Aids. That was the end, ask any bar owner. Things moved to the right.

“Once this idea that you can die from sex got into people’s heads, it became a weapon in the hands of stiff, erect, martinet father/parent fascists to suppress sensuality. When you start doing that, society gets rigid and social life as I knew it was over, fast. I loved that era, and it’s gone.”

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When you’re in the mood, it’s a sure bet that the last thing on your mind is boosting your immune system or maintaining a healthy weight. Yet good sex offers those health benefits and more.

That’s a surprise to many people, says Joy Davidson, PhD, a New York psychologist and sex therapist. “Of course, sex is everywhere in the media,” she says. “But the idea that we are vital, sexual creatures is still looked at in some cases with disgust or in other cases a bit of embarrassment. So to really take a look at how our sexuality adds to our life and enhances our life and our health, both physical and psychological, is eye-opening for many people.”

Sex does a body good in a number of ways, according to Davidson and other experts. The benefits aren’t just anecdotal or hearsay — each of these 10 health benefits of sex is backed by scientific scrutiny.

Among the benefits of healthy loving in a relationship:

1. Sex Relieves Stress

A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction, according to researchers from Scotland who reported their findings in the journal Biological Psychology. They studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations — such as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic — and noted their blood pressure response to stress.

Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.

Another study published in the same journal found that frequent intercourse was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure in cohabiting participants. Yet other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women.

2. Sex Boosts Immunity

Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. Scientists at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., took samples of saliva, which contain IgA, from 112 college students who reported the frequency of sex they had.

Those in the “frequent” group — once or twice a week — had higher
levels of IgA than those in the other three groups — who reported being abstinent, having sex less than once a week, or having it very often, three or more times weekly.

3. Sex Burns Calories

Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.

“Sex is a great mode of exercise,” says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says.

4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health

While some older folks may worry that the efforts expended during sex could cause a stroke, that’s not so, according to researchers from
England. In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.

And the heart health benefits of sex don’t end there. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem

Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex, collected by University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,” she tells WebMD. “Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it.”

6. Sex Improves Intimacy

Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the
so-called love hormone, which helps us bond and build trust. Researchers from
the University of Pittsburgh and the University of North Carolina evaluated 59
premenopausal women before and after warm contact with their husbands and partners ending with hugs. Tey found that the more contact, the higher the oxytocin levels.

“Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond,” Britton says.

Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. So if you’re feeling suddenly more generous toward your partner than usual, credit the love hormone.

7. Sex Reduces Pain

As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain
declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.

In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and
Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half.

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk

Frequent ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life, Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International. When they followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners as the men reached their 30s, 40s, and 50s.

But they found men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.

Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical
Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles

For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you’ll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.

To do a basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor, as if you’re trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release.

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better

The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research.

And getting enough sleep has been linked with a host of other good things, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure. Something to think about, especially if you’ve been wondering why your guy can be active one minute and snoring the next.

And in short: :)

1. Scientific tests find that when women make love, they produce double amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscles in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps and you don’t need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

There’s only 8 reasons to make love in the next abstract:

Back in the 1940s, a renegade shrink named Wilhelm Reich recommended an orgasm every day to stay healthy. It was part of his reasons for sex he called the “sexual revolution.” Unfortunately, folks were strung pretty tight back then, and they threw Reich’s ass in prison, where orgasms aren’t nearly as much fun.

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You’re locked in an embrace with your lover but, for all intents and purposes, you’re miles away. You hope your mate won’t notice, then instantly feel guilty about it. All you need is more to stress over.

With things crazy at the office, bills, the kids’ schedules, and no time for the gym or dates with your sweetie, these days you feel like a penniless promotion-chasing automaton in the marshmallow body of a neutered chauffeur.

To make matters worse, the distraction factory of your neurotic brain has hijacked your precious libido, and in this age of chronic stress it feels like the ransom may be too high.

“Stress is the trash of modern life - we all generate it, but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life,” said the oft-quoted philosopher Danze Pace.

Stress can wreak havoc on body, mind and spirit, so it’s no wonder it can also complicate, or even decimate, one’s sex life.

“Even though you’re making love, you may not be in the Zen of it. You’re thinking about the 12 things on your list … groceries, laundry, work, the kids … you’re not in the moment,” says professor Sandra Byers, a sex therapist and chair of the department of psychology at the University of New Brunswick.

Such mental clutter can interfere with desire, arousal and the quality of sex you’re having, which can cause a downward spiral, says Byers.

“If you’re making love in conditions that aren’t good for you - ie. it’s not enjoyable, you’re just not into it or you feel coerced - it may make you less interested in having sex the next time,” she says.

Stress is a psychological event, Byers adds. And the biggest sex organ is the brain.

“Not that stress doesn’t have a physiological impact, but it’s my inability to cope that makes it stressful. It’s very subjective. A high-stress job won’t necessarily have a negative impact on one’s sex life. It may even charge you up,” she says.

On the flip side, anxiety can make it impossible to relax and get into the mood.

Anxiety causes the release of fight-or-flight hormone cortisol, which halts the relaxation response necessary for the early stages of arousal.

Anxiety constricts blood vessels, including those to the genitals, and can lead to lack of arousal in women, and erectile disturbances in men, says Toronto sex therapist Wendy Trainor.

“Being sexual is one of the ways adults play together. When one or both parties don’t feel like having sex, because they’re too busy, tired or worried about performance, they may avoid being affectionate with each other for fear it will lead to sex,” says Trainor. “Gradually, they will become more distant from one another.”

Dr. Chris Van Vuuren of Jasper Avenue Medical Clinic in Edmonton says he sees younger men regularly who are experiencing erectile dysfunction due to stress or relationship problems.

“I prescribe Viagra, Levitra or Cialis as confidence boosters, and after a while they usually don’t need it,” says Van Vuuren, adding that sometimes couples therapy is a good complement.

Trainor says it’s important for couples to make their relationship a priority despite life’s daily pressures.

“They need to schedule time for each other: date night, afternoons where they get a babysitter or ask a relative to take the kids for a few hours, or using the kids’ ‘nap time’ as downtime for themselves,” she says.

Women aged 18 to 81 listed over 300 things that could affect their sexual response in a 2004 study by the Kinsey Institute. Some key stressors were work, children and body image.

“Women, in particular, are extremely vulnerable to having stress impact their sex life,” says Dr. Robin Milhausen, a sex expert from the University of Guelph who worked on the study, and a former host of the Life Network show “Sex, Toys & Chocolate.”

“Men’s arousal appeared to be more robust. They’re bothered to a lesser degree and were able to put aside thoughts and worries of the day more easily than women,” says Milhausen, adding that women still bear the burden of a dual-income household, juggling family, relationship and job to the point that sexual desire suffers.

“Anything men can do for their partners to share this burden will benefit the sexual relationship for both partners,” she says.

Exercise is known to lower stress hormones, so why not squeeze a workout in 30 minutes before you plan to get horizontal.

And men, remember to slow down.

“Men can be engorged and ready to go very quickly, but it can take 20 minutes or more for women to reach peak sexual arousal. Men need to be aware that we move at a different pace,” says Milhausen.

Take some time to recharge your batteries together before expecting the sparks to fly. A sensual massage or a shared bath can go a long way towards decompressing from the day while putting you both in the mood. Even if you don’t get busy all the time, who cares? Sometimes not being busy is the whole point.

Protect yourself from holiday illness with holiday sex!

Tensions run high over the holidays: the in-laws, the financial stress, the constant baking, distant relatives visiting or the kids being home from school. It’s enough to make people put their sex lives on hold until the New Year.

Medically, however, this can be a huge problem. Sex can be one of the most natural and effective ways to deal with stress, which can be a leading contributor to holiday illness. Only in America could we find a way to make time off even more difficult than time spent working.

Sex is a powerful way to release endorphins and relax muscles that can’t be reached otherwise, and it provides the following health benefits that can all help to decrease the likelihood of being floored by a holiday bug. So before you brush aside the thought of sex, here are a few things to think about:

1. Sex is exercise. And, you know how good exercise is for you. It burns calories, strengthens the cardiovascular system, improves endurance, releases endorphins, and builds muscles. Having vigorous sex burns a lot of calories! You will increase your heart rate more than you could ever do at a gym, and you won’t have to worry about wiping the machine down for the next person.

2. Stop headaches. Find yourself having more headaches and body aches during the holidays? Maybe that’s because you aren’t releasing the right hormones, such as DHEA and oxytocin. In addition to protecting the prostate gland, some studies show that sexual activity reduces joint pain, lowers the amount of headaches a person has and reduces pain severity. Lay off the pills and eggnog, and switch the Bing Crosby to Barry White. He’s got a holiday album, too. It’s called “Staying Power.”

3. Keep your body tuned up. Regular sex strengthens the vaginal muscles, and helps prevent infection, while also keeping the vagina flexible and healthy. A mechanic will tell you that during the snowy season, you have to run your car every day even when you aren’t using it in order to keep the valves lubricated. You see where this is going.

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After childbirth, sex may be the last thing on your mind. If you’re feeling up to it, follow your sex drive where it leads.

Sex after pregnancy happens. Honestly. But first, vaginal soreness and sheer exhaustion are likely to take a toll. Whether you’re in the mood or sex is the last thing on your mind, here’s what you need to know about sex after pregnancy.

After the baby is born, how soon can I have sex?

Whether you give birth vaginally or by C-section, your body will need time to heal. Many doctors recommend waiting six weeks before resuming intercourse. This allows time for the cervix to close, postpartum bleeding to stop, and any tears or repaired lacerations to heal.

But the other important timeline is your own. Some women feel ready to resume sex within a few weeks of giving birth. Others need more time. Factors such as fatigue, postpartum blues and changes in body image may take a toll on your sex drive.

Will it hurt?

Your vagina may be dry and tender, especially if you’re breast-feeding. To ease any discomfort, take it slow. Start with cuddling, kissing or massage. Gradually build the intensity of stimulation. If vaginal dryness is a problem, use a lubricating cream or gel. Try different positions to take pressure off any sore areas and control penetration. Tell your partner what feels good — and what doesn’t.

If sex continues to be painful, consult your doctor. A low-dose estrogen cream applied to the vagina often helps. Rarely, complications of healing may require additional treatment.

Will it feel different?

After several vaginal deliveries, decreased muscle tone in the vagina may reduce pleasurable friction during sex — which can influence arousal. To tone your pelvic floor muscles, remember to do your Kegel exercises. Simply tighten your pelvic muscles as if you’re stopping your stream of urine. Try it for five seconds at a time, four or five times in a row. Repeat throughout the day.

What about birth control?

Unless you’re hoping to become pregnant right away, sex after pregnancy requires a reliable method of birth control — even if you’re breast-feeding. Barrier methods such as condoms and spermicides can be useful. If you prefer hormonal birth control, it’s important to select a method that doesn’t interfere with breast-feeding. Your postpartum checkup is a great time to ask your doctor about the options.

What if I’m too tired to have sex?

Caring for a newborn can be exhausting. If you’re too tired to have sex at bedtime, say so. But that doesn’t mean your sex life is over. You may prefer making love early in the morning or during your baby’s nap. Feed your baby first to extend the time you and your partner have together.

What if I’m not interested in sex?

That’s OK. There’s more to a sexual relationship than intercourse — especially when you’re adjusting to life with a new baby. If you’re not feeling sexy or you’re afraid sex will hurt, share your concerns with your partner. Until you’re ready to have sex, maintain intimacy in other ways. Spend time together without the baby, even if it’s just a few minutes in the morning and after the baby goes to sleep at night. Share short phone calls throughout the day or occasional soaks in the tub. Look for other ways to express affection.

If communicating with your partner doesn’t help, be alert for signs and symptoms of postpartum depression. If your mood is consistently low, you find little joy in life or you have trouble summoning the energy to start a new day, contact your doctor promptly.

What can I do to boost my sex drive?

Go easy on yourself. Set reasonable expectations as you adjust to parenthood. Appreciate the changes in your body. Eat healthy foods, and drink plenty of fluids. Exercise regularly. Rest as much as you can. Spend some time alone. Taking good care of yourself can go a long way toward keeping passion alive.

Will childbirth affect your sex life?

Yes, it certainly will! So please don’t expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young blokes think that they’ll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn’t true.

You see, childbirth is a pretty traumatic process for a woman. Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn – and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up.

Furthermore, childbirth involves very considerable hormone changes hormone changes – as well as emotional stresses. Therefore, very, very few women feel rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth.

Therefore, it’s important for both mother and father to realise that lovemaking may not go brilliantly in the first six months or so after Baby arrives. So be prepared - and be patient!

How soon can you resume having sex?

In general, a woman shouldn’t consider having full sex (ie intercourse) until after her postnatal check-up. This examination usually takes place about six weeks after the birth.

Even then, she may not feel ready to ‘go all the way’ - particularly if she has had stitches and the opening of her vagina is sore.

If you’re in any doubt about whether to resume sex, ask the doctor who does your postnatal examination for advice – particularly about using additional lubrication..

Can you go in for any other sexual activity before resuming intercourse?

Yes – and it can be a good way of ‘letting off steam’. Couples do often get very frustrated when they’re waiting to resume sexual intercourse. This applies particularly to men!

So, in the meantime, you can go in for loveplay - though there is one danger, which we’ll explain in a moment.

Can both of you go as far as the point of climax? Definitely! It will do the postnatal woman no harm at all to have orgasms if she wants to.

So, things you can do include:

• hand petting on the man by the woman - what’s often called a ‘hand job’.
• hand petting of the woman by the man - using his fingers to stimulate her clitoris. But he should not put his fingers inside until she has had her postnatal examination and the doctor has said that everything has healed up. So, just stick to stroking and rubbing the outside of her sex organs. It’s quite safe to pay plenty of attention to her clitoris, which is well away from the area where stitches are put in.
• oral sex performed on the man by the woman. This type of loveplay - termed ‘fellatio’- often proves a great boon to a male who is desperate for sexual release.
• mutual caressing of various other parts of each other’s bodies.

Is there anything we should avoid?

Yes. Please heed this important warning. You’ll note that in the section above we have not recommended oral sex performed by the man on the woman (ie ‘going down ‘ on her).

This activity - often termed ‘cunnilingus’ - is definitely off limits during the first few of months after childbirth.

Why? For two reasons:

• it could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.
• even more seriously, it has occasionally led to death. These tragedies have occurred because the man has (often accidentally) managed to blow air into the vagina. Air can very easily get into the blood vessels of the newly-delivered womb - and cause an often fatal illness called ‘air embolism’. Not long ago, the British newspapers reported an appalling case in which a man forced his wife into cunnilingus shortly after she came home from hospital, puffed air into her – and killed her.

Is it OK to handle the breasts after childbirth?

Yes, it is OK - provided the woman feels happy about it. But don’t go in for ‘boob play’ if she develops any kind of breast disorder, such as a nipple crack or an abscess.

Do feelings for the new baby affect your sex life?

Absolutely! You’ll find that a great deal of time has to be spent taking care of the new baby. Most new mothers - and plenty of new fathers too - feel exhausted because they are never able to get sufficient sleep. This may go on for months - or even a couple of years.

During this time, a man can feel as if his partner is pushing him away. He may think that she is lavishing all her attention on the baby and this may make him feel jealous, or left out.

After watching a partner go through pregnancy and birth, some men gain a new respect for the female body. These guys find it easier to articulate the emotions they feel about the new phase of their relationship and become more considerate of their partner’s changing needs.

But a few men who have been at the birth of their child are quite distressed by what they have seen. Indeed, some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always. And such a man should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings.

To create and maintain a good atmosphere in the home, your relationship has to be one of trust and mutual respect. Both partners need to try to understand the other’s point of view. It is vital at this time that the couple can still do things together without the baby being involved so that they can enjoy the feelings they had for each other before they became parents.

We do urge new parents to take advantage of any offers of babysitting that come their way from fond grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends so they can go out together - or even just retire to bed for a sleep and perhaps a spot of sex!

What happens to the female sex drive after birth?

Most women don’t feel very keen on sex for at least a few weeks after childbirth and the main reason for this is simply exhaustion. If the delivery was long or difficult, the woman may also feel anxious about getting pregnant again.

Generally, women start getting their desire back within a couple of months of having a baby. If your libido doesn’t return, then you should seek help from a doctor. Female medics at family planning clinics are particularly good at helping to deal with this problem because they see it all the time.

What do you do when you want to resume sexual intercourse after the birth of your child?

When you’re both ready to have intercourse after the birth, you should begin gently. If possible, try and find a time of the day when you are not too worn out. Also, try to find a time when the baby is not likely to wake up - so you can have some peace and quiet.

Hormone changes and worry can lead to some women experiencing vaginal dryness for the first three months after giving birth. But you don’t take hormones for this. Instead, buy lubricants over the counter from a pharmacist. Try K-Y Jelly, Liquid Silk, or Pjur. Some condoms have a built-in lubricant that may help.

For the first few sex sessions after childbirth, it’s a good idea to choose a position in which the woman can control the pace and depth of penetration. A position with her on top, or one where both partners lie side-by-side facing each other, may be more comfortable.

Don’t forget contraception. It’s very easy to become pregnant again - far sooner than you intended. Try and decide on some form of family planning by the time your baby is four weeks old. If in doubt, ask the doctor at your postnatal examination about contraception.

What do you do if the woman doesn’t regain her interest in sex?

This is quite common. Please bear in mind that it could be a symptom of postnatal depression (PND). If the woman is at all depressed, she should see her GP.

Otherwise, the best thing is for the couple to get some counselling from an expert in sexual problems, for instance at:

• Relate
• Couple Counselling Scotland
• A Family Planning Clinic.

With commonsense advice, a loving couple can usually gets things sorted out – though it may take some months.

During 2005, certain new treatments for increasing female libido are due to come onto the market. They include:

• a testosterone (male hormone) gel.
• a testosterone skin patch.
• alprostadil gel (ALISTA) – a jelly intended for application to the clitoris and surrounding area.
• Eros – a vibrating suction device which is already available, but not on the NHS.

Unfortunately, Viagra and similar drugs have not so far been convincingly shown to help new mothers who are having difficulties with sex. However, in mid-2005, doctors from St Mary’s Hospital, London, published a very small series of cases in which women with poor libido seemed to be helped by using Viagra. But as this treatment is not licensed, it is not available from your GP.

Sex after baby: Do you really have to wait?

This question is very appropriate because many women are anxious to resume an active sex life after giving birth and are afraid to ask their care providers. about this issue.

You may be surprised to learn that the restrictions regarding resumption of sexual intercourse after birth are largely a result of “folk wisdom.” There are no research-based studies that show an ideal waiting time. Women should be given the freedom to chose when they wish to resume sex after birth.

It is observed that it takes approximately six weeks for the uterus to return to “normal” size after vaginal birth. So, early “authorities” felt that the proscription against intercourse should coincide with this landmark.

What we actually see in practice, however, is that some women are emotionally and physically ready for intercourse much earlier. Williams Obstetrics, a respected text, states: “following an uncomplicated delivery, a six-week abstinence from intercourse makes little sense. It can be safely resumed in as little as three weeks or when comfort can be maintained”.

From your description, it sounds as if you may be ready for intercourse far earlier than some other women. If you have had no tearing or episiotomy, and your lochia (bleeding) has changed from red to pink and is scant in amount, it is probably fine for you to resume sexual relations as soon as two weeks postpartum. I would advise this additional week to assure the healing and closure of the cervix.

You will want to protect yourself from another pregnancy by using a contraceptive method.

You should not resume sexual relations if you have any fever, malodorous discharge or red bleeding.

For some women, it takes much longer than six weeks until they are ready to make love. Advice should be provided to women based on individual variations.

A review entitled “Sexuality during Pregnancy and the Year Postpartum” was published in The Journal of Family Practice (1998) by J. Byrd et al. 47(4), 305-8. It reported that “there is little agreement in the findings of research on the resumption of sexual activity following childbirth”. They state that “at five to seven weeks postpartum, only 50 percent of women had resumed intercourse.” Numerous reasons have been suggested for the delay in resumption of vaginal intercourse after childbirth. The principal ones are: pain related to an episiotomy; vaginal bleeding or discharge; fatigue and discomfort related to inadequate lubrication of the vagina, due to low levels of estrogen in the postpartum period.

Women who have had a lengthy labor following a high risk pregnancy or women who have had a birth assisted by a vacuum extraction, forceps or cesarean, may not wish, nor perhaps should they, resume intercourse until 8 to 12 weeks postpartum, or perhaps even longer. Women who suffer extensive perineal tearing, or those with a large episiotomy or mediolateral episiotomy, may not be “comfortable” for several months after the birth.

Resuming intimacy after giving birth

After giving birth many women go through a period of adjustment to their “new” body. You may wonder if you will lose the weight you gained during pregnancy and if you will ever get your figure back again. It can be very helpful to see that you are still desired by your partner.

The postpartum period is a good time to explore being close to your partner without sexual intercourse. You both may be eagerly awaiting the opportunity to make love again, and this is an important time to approach each other with tenderness and continued communication.

You may find that you have little or no interest in sexual intercourse immediately following childbirth. When you are ready, you can resume sexual intercourse when your perineum is comfortable, the episiotomy has healed, and the lochia has stopped.

It is common to feel very dry and lack the vaginal lubrication that had been normal for you. This is due to the reduced estrogen after the delivery of the placenta. Prolactin and oxytocin can also interfere with lubrication if you are nursing. It is normal for vaginal dryness to last up to six months. You can apply a water-based vaginal lubricant, such as astroglide or liquid silk, to help make intimacy more pleasurable. If intercourse causes you discomfort, you may want to wait a little longer or find other sexual practices that you and your partner enjoy.

Because there is decreased tone in the perineal muscles you may notice less pleasurable friction during intercourse. You may find that your orgasms are less intense for the first few months. These are normal occurrences after giving birth. To help increase muscle tone, resume your Kegel exercises (perineal tightening) that you learned in childbirth class. Practice Kegel exercises at least 50 times every day, slowly increasing to 100 repetitions.

Because you are probably fatigued after giving birth, you may want to experiment with making love in the morning or afternoon, rather than at the end of a day when you are already too tired. If you are breastfeeding, nurse your baby prior to your lovemaking to help extend the time you and your partner have together.

While conception is highly unlikely in the postpartum period, when exclusive breastfeeding, if another pregnancy is not desired at this time, it would be wise to resume the use of contraceptives. Discuss your options with your care provider.

If you want to get pregnant, you have sex. No surprises there. But what about sex while you’re pregnant? The answers aren’t always as clear. Here’s what you need to know about sex during pregnancy.
Is it OK to have sex during pregnancy?

As long as your pregnancy is proceeding normally, you can have sex as often as you like. But you may not always want to. At first, hormonal fluctuations, fatigue and nausea may sap your sexual desire. During the second trimester, increased blood flow to your sexual organs and breasts may rekindle your desire for sex. But by the third trimester, weight gain, back pain and other symptoms may once again dampen your enthusiasm for sex.

Can sex cause a miscarriage?

Many couples worry that sex during pregnancy will cause a miscarriage, especially in the first trimester. But sex isn’t a concern. Early miscarriages are usually related to chromosomal abnormalities or other problems in the developing baby — not to anything you do or don’t do.

Does sex harm the baby?

The baby is protected by the amniotic fluid in your uterus, as well as the mucous plug that blocks the cervix throughout most of your pregnancy. Your partner’s penis won’t touch the baby.

Are any sexual positions off-limits during pregnancy?

As your pregnancy progresses, experiment to find the most comfortable positions. There’s just one caveat. Avoid lying flat on your back during sex. If your uterus compresses the veins in the back of your abdomen, you may feel lightheaded or nauseous.

What about oral sex?

If you have oral sex, make sure your partner does not blow air into your vagina. Rarely, a burst of air may block a blood vessel (air embolism) — which could be a life-threatening condition for you and the baby.

Can orgasms trigger premature labor?

Orgasms can cause uterine contractions. But these contractions are different from the contractions you’ll feel during labor. Research indicates that if you have a normal pregnancy, orgasms — with or without intercourse — don’t lead to premature labor or premature birth.

Are there times when sex should be avoided?

Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy, sometimes it’s best to be cautious.

• Preterm labor. Exposure to the prostaglandins in semen may cause contractions — which could be worrisome if you’re at risk of preterm labor.
• Vaginal bleeding. Sex is not recommended if you have unexplained vaginal bleeding.
• Problems with the cervix. If your cervix begins to open prematurely (cervical incompetence), sex may pose a risk of infection.
• Problems with the placenta. If your placenta partly or completely covers your cervical opening (placenta previa), sex could lead to bleeding and preterm labor.
• Multiple babies. If you’re carrying two or more babies, your doctor may advise you not to have sex late in pregnancy — although researchers have not identified any relationship between sex and preterm labor in twins.

Should my partner use a condom?

Exposure to sexually transmitted diseases during pregnancy increases the risk of infections that can affect your pregnancy and your baby’s health. If you have a new sexual partner during pregnancy, use a condom when you have sex.

What if I don’t want to have sex?

That’s OK. There’s more to a sexual relationship than intercourse. Share your needs and concerns with your partner in an open and loving way. If sex is difficult, unappealing or off-limits, try cuddling, kissing or massage.

The Joy of Sex During Pregnancy

Unless your health care provider advises you otherwise, sex during pregnancy is safe for you and your baby.

Many expectant parents worry that sex can be harmful during pregnancy. They fear that intercourse could hurt the baby, or even cause miscarriage. Some are afraid that the baby somehow “knows” that sex is taking place. The partner sometimes worries that intercourse might cause discomfort or pain for the pregnant woman. Worries like this are common and completely normal, but most of them are unfounded.

If your pregnancy is considered to be high risk, you may need to be more cautious than other women. Your health care provider may advise you to avoid intercourse for all or part of your pregnancy.

The Changes of Pregnancy
Many women are not very interested in sex while they are pregnant. Exhaustion, raging hormones, tender breasts and self-consciousness about her growing girth can put a pregnant women’s sex drive on hold. Take heart in the fact that most couples resume an active sex life sometime during the first year of their baby’s life.

Many women find that pregnancy makes them want sex more than they did before they became pregnant. This sex drive is caused by hormonal changes. For some women, newfound voluptuousness can play a role in making them feel sexier than ever.

Positions that work before pregnancy and early in pregnancy can be uncomfortable or even unsafe at later stages of the baby’s development. For example, a woman should avoid lying flat on her back after the fourth month of pregnancy, because the weight of the growing uterus puts pressure on major blood vessels. Fortunately, there are alternatives to the traditional missionary position, such as lying sideways or having the woman on top.

As for the baby, he or she has no idea what Mom and Dad are doing. The baby is well protected by a cushion of fluid in the womb and by the mom’s abdomen.

Suggestions for You and Your Partner

• If you’re concerned, ask your health care provider if it’s okay to have sex.
• Talk to each other about your needs and concerns in an open and loving way. If you work together, you can probably figure out how to put a smile on each other’s face.
• Let mutual pleasure and comfort be your guide. If something doesn’t feel physically or emotionally right to one of you, change what you’re doing.
• Keep your sense of humor.
• To avoid sexually transmitted infections, have sex with only one person who doesn’t have any other sexual partners and/or use a condom when having sex. Discuss HIV testing for you and your partner with your health care provider.
• If the pregnancy is high risk or if you have any questions at all, ask for guidance from your health care provider.
• After the baby is born, wait until after your postpartum checkup before you resume intercourse.

Are you and your partner having good sex — or great sex? Good sex is sex that is generally satisfying and leaves each partner feeling emotionally and physically fulfilled. Great sex is the same, except it is more intense and more uninhibited … the kind of sex you don’t soon forget!

Many couples in long-term relationships assume that adventurous and uninhibited sex is a thing of the past. This is particularly true when people get stuck in a “good sex” rut — they go through the same motions every time because it gets the job done. When it is over, each partner has been satisfied … but there certainly weren’t fireworks.

For instance, a couple recently came to see me at the Berman Center seeking help for their love life. Despite their happy marriage, Keith and Elizabeth were experiencing intimacy issues. Sex was infrequent, and when it did occur, it often was dull and monotonous. However, between their full-time jobs and raising three kids, neither of them thought they had time to reignite the passion in the bedroom.

In addition to working with them to make space for themselves and each other in their busy lives, I gave Keith and Elizabeth some “homework” to get back in touch with each other’s bodies. I instructed them to engage in a night of VENIS — very erotic no-intercourse sex. In the VENIS program, you can be as imaginative and provocative as you want — massage oils, feathers, body paint, props, etc. The only rule is “no intercourse.” The idea is to enjoy each other’s bodies without rushing toward the finish line. Before sending Keith and Elizabeth off to VENIS land, I supplied them with a basket full of erotic goodies: chocolate body paint, handcuffs, a vibrating rubber ducky and blindfolds. When they came back in for their next session, they told me that their night of VENIS was the best “sex” they ever had!

Here are other ways to turn “good” sex into “great” sex:

The fantasy box: Create a fantasy box and store it in your bedroom. You and your partner should write down your fantasies on little slips of paper and place them in the fantasy box. Every once in a while, when your sex life needs a little extra oomph, dip into the fantasy box and start playing! Making fantasies come true is a great way to bring spice back into the bedroom.

Tantra: Tantric sex not only prolongs sex and improves the quality of orgasms, it also helps increase the emotional intimacy between you and your partner. One great tantric tool is “soul-gazing.” Here’s how to do it: When you are both undressed, sit on the bed facing each other and place your right hand over your partner’s heart and gaze into your partner’s left eye. Synchronize your breathing while you maintain eye contact. Soul-gazing returns sex to that sacred space where intercourse is a holy, valued activity between two people in love.

Bring “sexyback”: Most women need to feel sexy in order to feel sexual desire. However, between driving in traffic, rushing to make dinner and getting the kids in bed, women often feel harried and unattractive at the end of the day. This is where the importance of “me” time comes in. It may sound cliche, but unless you make time to recharge, nurture yourself and get in touch with your senses (massage, bubble bath, pedicure), it will be hard to feel sexy. You may even invest in a little bit of sexy lingerie. Once you start to feel sexy on the outside, it might change the way you approach intimacy. Who knows? You might even be inspired to give your man a little lap dance.

The bottom line is that great sex isn’t as far away as you think. With just a little bit of work, any couple can have fireworks in the bedroom … even on a regular Monday night!

Four Positions for a Better Orgasm

Of course you want a steamier sex life — but there is more to it then candlelight and lingerie. There are actual tried-and-true methods for getting better stimulated and having the Big O. So, get ready for hotter sex with suggestions that will surprise and thrill your partner, from Deborah Sundahl, author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot. Feel free to print this out and bring it to bed with you. We doubt your partner will complain!

Modified Missionary

You’ve probably tried the standard missionary position before. But many women complain that they cannot achieve an orgasm with the man lying on top. This modified version should take things up a notch:

Lie on your back and put your legs over your partner’s shoulders. This is a good position if you need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and it is a nice way to begin to experience building a G-spot orgasm. He’ll have a lot of control over stimulating your G-spot, and you can play with your clitoris to have an orgasm.

Mouth and Finger, Yum!

Many women have an easier time achieving an orgasm through oral sex than with intercourse. And since we can only assume that your partner would love nothing more than to try new ways to please you — walk him through the following exercise:

Ask your partner not to use the tongue as a vibrator on your clit, but to caress your clitoris, urethra and vaginal opening with lips and tongue. Slower is better, so you have time to absorb all the sensations and to remember to relax.

When you feel aroused, ask him to insert a finger, ever so slowly, and rub your G-spot very slowly but firmly. Over time, your G-spot will become more easily aroused, and swollen, and less stimulation will be necessary to feel ready for orgasm.

The point of this exercise is to relax and allow the sensitivity and pleasure to grow and evolve by shifting your focus bit by bit from clitoris to G-spot, over many lovemaking sessions.

Face to Face on a Stool

A tall kitchen stool is perfect for communicating and slowly working up to soulful eye-to-eye communication. If you are used to closing your eyes and burying your head in the pillow, you’ll find that in this position you are more present and equal. No one’s weight is on anyone, you are facing each other (he’s standing and you’re sitting). You can look down at his penis, and he can get valuable feedback about the types of strokes he is delivering when he sees your face and hears your delighted sounds.

Because this position provides intense stimulation to the G-spot and a clear, direct way to communicate, this is the best position for both of you to learn how to awaken and stimulate your G-spot. Your clitoris can also be easily stimulated.

This position is excellent for deep penetration — if the stool is sturdy — and for exploring how deep, penetrating thrusts can trigger the sensations of a uterine orgasm (different than a vaginal orgasm, but equally enjoyable). It’s likely that at first you may not have an orgasm and you may not ejaculate, but it’s worth it to explore a uterine orgasm.

Standing up from Behind

This position borrows certain elements of the popular “doggy-style” position, where the woman is on her hands and knees and is entered from behind. But if you try standing up, slightly bent forward, you’ll find more pressure on the G-spot than with the traditional doggy-style position. Your partner’s movements will push forward against your G-spot, and that’s exactly what you want for good stimulation.

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Teaching children that sex is separate from marriage has led to untold misery.

Polly Toynbee claims the small reduction we have seen in teenage conception rates “may be partly due to easier emergency contraception from local pharmacies”. However, international studies have consistently shown that increased access to the morning-after pill has reduced neither abortion nor unintended pregnancy rates.

Our own study, which Toynbee dismisses as “a spurious story” and “evidence-proven nonsense”, reveals that not a single primary care trust was able to cite any evidence that the confidential provision of the morning-after pill in pharmacies has contributed to a reduction in under-16 conception rates.

This may sound counterintuitive. After all, if the morning-after pill works at all, it stands to reason that it does prevent at least some unwanted pregnancies from developing, and thus prevents at least some abortions. However, there is also evidence that the ready availability of contraception results in some young people becoming sexually active who would not otherwise have done so.

For almost a year following Victoria Gillick’s appeal court victory in 1984, under-16s were unable to obtain contraception without parental consent. The sex-education establishment and contraceptive industry protested that teenage pregnancy rates would rocket. But they didn’t. While under-16 attendances at family-planning clinics went down by a third, teenage conception rates remained the same, suggesting that the restriction on contraceptive services to under-16s led to a fall in underage sexual activity.

But not everybody regards less teenage sexual activity as a positive outcome. Some are wedded to the notion of “children’s reproductive-health rights” - a euphemism for the “right” of children to engage in unlawful sexual intercourse, with confidential access to contraception and abortion. Toynbee herself is dismissive of any attempt to discourage teenage sex, and even goes so far as to say: “It is good news … that more pregnant teenagers are opting for abortions.”Bearing in mind the long-term trauma experienced by many women after an abortion, this is hardly a cause for celebration.

“Abstinence teaching doesn’t work,” Toynbee asserts, while sex education “taught well” can serve as the panacea for any number of social ills. But this all prompts the question as to what “work” and “taught well” mean.

The organisations demanding compulsory sex education in all schools share a strong hostility towards teaching children the positive benefits of saving sex for marriage. Separating sex from marriage has not only led to high rates of teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and abortions, but is also a major contributory factor in divorce and family breakdown, with all the associated human misery and adverse social consequences. Young people need to hear that there is a better way.

Schools must remain accountable to parents who bear the primary responsibility for their children’s care and nurture; and parents must retain the freedom to withdraw their children from sex-education lessons they believe will do more harm than good.

Backlash over sex education failings

Teenagers are being taught sex education so badly in schools that many are left in complete ignorance about how to avoid sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.

A letter to The Times today from leading children’s organisations, sexual health experts and eight members of the Commons Health Select Committee, calls on the Government to make relationship teaching a statutory part of the national curriculum.

The experts say that research published today highlights the longstanding failure of schools and how it is contributing to the country’s sexual health crisis.

Of more than 20,000 teenagers in England questioned about sex education, more than half rated the teaching in school as poor, very poor or merely average. Only a quarter said that it was good.

Nearly half of those surveyed by the UK Youth Parliament said that they had never been taught about the effects of teenage pregnancy and would not know where to find their local sexual health clinic. More than half (55 per cent) of all 12 to 15-year-olds, and 57 per cent of girls between the ages of 16 to 17 had not been taught how to use a condom, despite the Government’s recommendations, published seven years ago, that this should be taught in all schools. The majority of pupils over the age of 17 reported not having received any information about personal relationships at school.

The letter, signed by the chief executives of the NSPCC, the Brook pregnancy advisory service, the Family Planning Association and the Terrence Higgins Trust, states: “These figures may go some way to explaining disproportionately high rates of teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections in this country.”

Figures from the Health Protection Agency reveal that among 16 to 19-year-olds, diagnoses of herpes rose by 13 per cent and those of genital warts increased by 6 per cent between 2005 and last year. Government figures also show that the UK still has the highest levels of teenage pregnancy in Western Europe. For every 1,000 births between 2000 and 2005, 27 were to under-19s. It was just eight in France.

The Youth Parliament is calling for sexand relationship courses to be made a statutory part of personal, social and health and economic education. At present sex education is a statutory part only of the science curriculum for 11 to 14-year-olds.