Web Sex Log

10+1 ways to have spontaneous sex

Scheduling your sex life around PTA meetings and trips to the dry cleaner is better than no sex at all.

But nothing is better than spontaneous sex.

Truth be told, busy couples in long-term relationships often need to schedule “date nights” — setting aside blocks of time for lovemaking to ensure things don’t become stale.

But there’s nothing better than just doing it. No planning, no thinking …

There is something incredibly sexy about sex that’s straight from the source. Spontaneous sex has been hailed for not only grabbing a lover’s interest, but maintaining it. It spikes a relationship’s lust factor, making lovemaking more exciting. Plus, when needed, it can get lovers out of a slump.

And it caters to our carnal nature in its “must have now, no matter how taboo” factor.

Here are some ways to invite more spontaneity into your sex life:

1. Seek the “explorer” lover.

When testing the romantic chemistry of almost 30,000 singles, love researcher Helen Fisher found the science behind successful relationships is the balance of four brain chemicals. This balance influences one’s personality type, which affects compatibility. Explorer types, ruled by dopamine, are typically novelty seekers, into risk-taking and the spontaneous.

2. Recognize that spontaneous sex is the exception to the rule.

Yes, it can happen on occasion. But plenty of people are having sex who can’t act with abandon. Among those needing to think ahead are people dealing with a sexual disorder, those carrying a sexually transmitted infection, and those who are physically challenged.

Putting too much weight on spontaneity can make for unrealistic expectations in the sack or anywhere your sex spirit moves you. Ultimately, it can impact one’s ability to recognize and enjoy gratifying sex. Don’t let spontaneity rule your sexual rewards quotient.

3. Approach intimacy as an adventure.

Think about ways you can get frisky out in public (shopping) or doing the mundane (watching TV). Then jump on the first opportunity you have to make privacy passionate. Adding new elements to your same old routine will get both of you in a mindset to tap feelings of arousal when they occur.

4. Carry condoms.

Notice the plural – as your sexual free will may beckon more than once in the same sex session. Sure, some complain that rubbers interrupt foreplay or ruin sex. But for a number of lovers, any sex whatsoever requires suiting up. Spontaneous or not, sex won’t happen unless you come prepared.

5. Evaluate your birth control.

Couples are into hassle-free sex, and this includes not thinking about contraception when a sexual opportunity presents itself. One of the best options out there in being safe, highly effective, and easily reversible is the intrauterine contraceptive. Following simple insertion at her doctor’s office, a woman hardly has to think twice about getting pregnant for the next five to seven years.

6. Reconsider what constitutes “sex” for you.

Being sexually spontaneous doesn’t have to be all about intercourse. It can involve other sex acts, like kissing, caresses, erotic talk and oral delights. Expanding your definitions of what spontaneous sex entails allows you to have more of it and amplifies the experience.
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Kids are a delight, but they can also be problematic when it comes to keeping the spark alive between you and your spouse.

In today’s child-centric society, it can be difficult to find couple time, especially when romance is in order.

Luckily, you can safeguard your relationship from this common problem by following these five simple steps:

1. Embrace separate beds
Unless you are Suzanne Somers, three is not company. This is especially true when you and your husband aren’t able to bond (wink, wink) due to the pitter-patter of little feet that head to your bedroom every night. It might be hard to turn away the kiddies, especially when they are so fun to cuddle with, but don’t forget that cuddling your partner is important, too! More importantly, your children need to learn how to sleep on their own and be independent. Help your children adjust to sleeping on their own by making it a treat - buy special sheets with their favorite cartoon characters, get them a nightlight, and remind them that big kids sleep in their own room. If they’ve been sleeping with you for a while, it’ll be a process to get them out of your bed and into their own, but if you are consistent and don’t give up, they’ll soon make the transition and you’ll get back those stolen moments in bed for you and your partner.

And by the way, put a lock on your bedroom door today! It’s totally OK for your kids to know Mommy and Daddy regularly take “private time” together. Don’t worry about not being there for them if they really need you. That’s what monitors and knocking are for!

2. Distinguish between vacations and family trips and take both
If you have ever had to travel with small children, you know that family trips are not a vacation for parents. While it is wonderful to see your child experience the beach or Disneyland for the first time, it does not give you the mental and physical break you need. So, go ahead and book that trip to Sea World - but remember to budget time and money for adult-only vacations in which you can get away with your spouse solo. Spending time away from your usual roles as parents will give you a chance to reconnect with your sensual side, free of PB&J requests and “Dora the Explorer” reruns!

3. Don’t be a superparent
Limit your children’s after-school activities to just one or two per season. If you run yourself ragged driving your children to every activity under the sun, you won’t have the time or energy for romance or sex. However, remember to take advantage of the time your children spend at after-school activities (or even better, weekend activities when you and your partner are both home) - an empty house means some privacy for you and your partner!

4. Set a united front
When your children try to get a “yes” out of Mommy after Daddy has already said “no,” problems can erupt in the bedroom and beyond. If one or both of you feels as though your opinion has been disregarded, it can be very hard to turn off that frustration and get in the mood. Indeed, you might even end up feeling your own spouse is the enemy! Bypass these discipline problems by agreeing to never go over each other’s head. The house rule should be “If Mommy says no, so does Daddy, and vice versa.” Deciding as a couple how you want to handle discipline ahead of time is also important, not only for presenting a united front to the kids, but for the sake of your connection as well.

5. Write it in stone
Date night is the highlight of many parents’ long weeks, but too often this night gets pushed aside due to little family disturbances. Set your date night in stone, even if little Jimmy really wants to have friends over, or if your baby-sitter threatens to raise her hourly rate. Couples absolutely must have alone time together in which they can talk, bond and be intimate, so date night should only be canceled as a last resort.

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Whether it’s low sex or no sex, two new books attempt to dispel the gender stereotype that women have all the “headaches.” The Sex-Starved Wife, by Michele Weiner Davis, and He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore, by Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz, quash the idea that men are always ready for sex. USA TODAYspoke with the authors about men who aren’t in the mood.

Q: Is there an average or normal amount of sexual activity among married couples, and how does it change with time?

Weiner Davis: It’s really very subjective. For some couples, if they had sex twice a week, they’d think they died and went to heaven. For others, it would put them in divorce court. Mutual interest needs to be taken into account.
Yager-Berkowitz: To me, what’s normal is if both partners are happy. From the first days of a relationship to maybe three years, the brain hormones of people tend to be far more sexual to reproduce or form an attachment for all kinds of cultural and psychological reasons. What’s normal in the first year of a relationship is very different in 10 years.

Q: Describe what happens in a sex-starved relationship.
Weiner Davis: It’s when one spouse is desperately yearning for more touch, physical closeness, more sex, and the other spouse is thinking: “What is the big deal? Why are you so hassled?” When this major disconnect happens, intimacy at all levels tends to drop. It’s really about feeling wanted, feeling loved, feeling appreciated and feeling connected and, in this case, feeling feminine. Because of the hurt, they stop spending time together. They stop laughing at each other’s jokes. They stop making eye contact. The bond between them really dissipates, and it puts the marriage at risk for infidelity and divorce.

Q: Is avoidance of sexual intimacy primarily a problem of today’s baby boomers?
Berkowitz: It’s not an old person or a middle-aged person’s problem. We heard from young people who say the sex stopped at the honeymoon. A lot of guys are angry with their wives and say she’s critical and controlling. They reacted by shutting down sexually. About half the time in a non-sexual marriage, it’s the man who is not interested. Having sex is a habit, and not having sex is a habit, too. It becomes easier not to do it than to do it.

Q: What are your professional backgrounds?
Weiner Davis: I’m a licensed social worker and a marriage therapist specializing in work with couples since the early ’80s.
Berkowitz: I have a Ph.D. in clinical sexology from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. I mainly do research, studying the effect media has on sexual behavior.
Yager-Berkowitz: I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology. We do a column for ThirdAge.com, a website for baby boomers, and answer questions as marriage experts.

Q: You surveyed more than 4,000 men and women online who identified themselves as currently or in the past being in a sexless marriage (sex 10 times a year or less). What findings surprised you the most?
Berkowitz: It shocked me that 68% of men said the reason for their slumping sex drive is that “she’s not sexually adventurous enough.” That’s a lot of finger-pointing. So many used “not adventurous” as an excuse.
Yager-Berkowitz: A number of men in our survey said the wife had gained too much weight - 38% of men said she “gained a significant amount of weight.” Also, it surprised me that 30% of men admitted they had ED (erectile dysfunction). Even 15 years ago, I don’t think that would have happened. Now that there are some solutions and some hope, that’s allowed a conversation to open up.

Q: You and Redbook magazine surveyed 1,004 women online about their husbands’ low sexual desire; you say that low desire is often mistaken for erectile dysfunction. Why?
Weiner Davis: So many people in the general public think low sexual desire is synonymous with ED. He doesn’t want sex because he can’t have sex. There is some truth to that, in that ED can turn into a problem of low sexual desire, but it is vastly overrated as the only reason men turn off to sex. A man who has erectile dysfunction does not always have low sexual desire. In fact, he will only get low sexual desire if he can’t find some effective way or means to remedy the situation because then it becomes an ordeal rather than pleasure. But if a man learns how to manage and overcome it, he might have very high sexual desire.

Q: What should women do to broach the subject with their husbands?
Weiner Davis: What I’ve found in my practice is how quickly women go from being hurt to being angry. Anger is what men hear from their wives. The more hurt she is, the angrier she gets and the less sex he wants to have with her. It really helps to talk in terms of your own feelings and speak from a more vulnerable position - missing him, wanting to be closer to him, loving the relationship when you are closer physically. Compliment him anytime he approaches anything sexual, even though it’s not overtly sexual. Build him up instead of tearing him down.

Why Men Leave: Sex

Women and men often have dramatically different views of divorce, with men most likely to blame sex and money for a split, while women cite physical or verbal abuse, a new survey found.

In a new GfK Roper poll, 22 percent of men said sex was the reason their marriages fell apart, essentially a tie with the 23 percent that pointed to money. (The poll had a margin of error of plus or minus 2.6 percent.)

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We all know that regular sex is an important part of a healthy, happy relationship, but did you know that regular sex is also an important part of a healthy, happy body? Indeed, sex is more than just a pleasurable activity - it is a big part of who we are, both emotionally and physically.

A recent Newsweek article found that regular sex has six amazing health benefits - it can increase a youthful appearance, it can promote the production of germ-fighting antibodies, it can strengthen a woman’s pelvic floor, it can burn calories, it can stabilize a woman’s menstrual cycle and it can offer natural pain relief in the form of orgasms.

While a healthy sex life can contribute to a healthy body, an unhealthy body can also contribute to an unhealthy sex life. If your sex life has been lackluster or sub-par lately, the reasons might be more obvious than you might think:

Poor nutrition: Fast food not only does a number on your waistline, it can also do a number on your sex life. This is particularly true as we age and reach menopause. During menopause, estrogen levels get out of whack, which causes insulin levels to increase and thyroid levels to go down. Thus, women end up eating more food and burning fewer calories, which causes weight to accumulate. Healthy food choices are imperative during this time, as is daily exercise. (Don’t forget to take advantage of Newsweek’s findings - sex is a cardiovascular exercise, so trade it in for the stationary bike and you can still burn up to 300 calories an hour!)

Stress: Expanded waistlines can also be due to another hormone: cortisol. Otherwise known as the stress hormone, cortisol can lead to all kinds of health problems, including excess abdominal fat. Cortisol is also a known libido-killer, so it is no wonder that sex is the last thing on your mind after a bad day at work. Exercise and meditation can decrease cortisol to a healthy level, which can improve your blood pressure and your love life. Another good way to decrease stress is to keep a “gratitude journal” - researchers have found that people who express gratitude and appreciation daily feel less stressed out than people who do not.

Lack of sleep: Insomnia is often a vicious cycle, beginning with a caffeine overdrive in the morning, and ending with exhaustion in the evening. Most Americans would agree that they barely have the energy for sex at the end of the day! Improve your sleeping habits - and consequently, your sex habits - by cutting back on caffeine throughout the day. Substitute your giant cup of a coffee with a small cup of tea, and snack on foods like almonds throughout the day - they give you a natural burst of energy without the sugar dip that comes from a candy bar.

Last but not least, get the television out of your bedroom! A recent study found that the blue lights emitted from TV can disrupt sleeping patterns and restfulness throughout the entire night. And, finally, if you really just don’t have the energy for sex in the evening, make an effort to rise a little early in the morning in order to have time for sex before work.

Good health and good sex go hand-in-hand. And, since most of us are making resolutions to be healthier in 2008, it is good to know that regular intercourse is a big part of being in tip-top shape. Finally, a resolution that will be fun to keep!

Major Health Benefits of Sex

Many people simply enjoy a healthy sex life because sex is pleasurable. Now there’s another reason to stay under the sheets; there are substantial health benefits of sex. Enjoying a rigorous romp can do wonders for everyone both physically and psychologically. Now, men everywhere can tell their ladies that sex is not only for fun, but, since there are health benefits of sex, their lives may depend on it.

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I will resist suggesting I am starting off the New Year with a bang when I reveal that a new and very important and/or disturbing (depending on whether you have laced your cornflakes with a David Copperfield mushroom or two) thesis has now been published as a book.

The title might interest many of you: “Love and Sex with Robots- The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships” by David Levy.

And the thesis itself finds a rather neat climax at the very end of the book: “Great sex on tap for everyone, 24/7. What’s not to like?” Well, the tap part, for example. Doesn’t that rather downgrade the, um, romance part?

You will not, perhaps, be surprised that Mr. Levy is a former chess grand master who, having become bored with the board, became fascinated with the bordello. Or at least what happens within it.

Before I further quote Mr Levy, I want to underline that his is a serious work. He defended this thesis in October of last year at the University of Maastricht.

Alright then, are you ready for this? Mr. Levy believes that Massachusetts will be the first state to legalize human/robot marriages.

” Massachusetts is more liberal than most other jurisdictions in the U.S. and it has been at the forefront of same-sex marriage,” declares Mr. Levy. “There’s also a lot of high-tech research there at places like MIT.”

I’m not sure I have this quite right, but is he suggesting that those who are more liberal about gay marriage will be equally liberal about man in flagrante machina?

Mr. Levy does border on the nonchalant when he declares that intercoursal robots will be mere upgrades of blowup dolls: “It’s just a matter of adding some electronics to add some vibration. That’s fairly primitive in terms of robotics. The technology is already there.”

I am not sure I could possibly turn to my paramour and suggest to her that she is fairly primitive in terms of robotics. But I would very much appreciate it if readers could all try popping this question when they get home tonight. It will be fascinating to see whether there are any men or women who would find this description flattering.

I find myself resisting the urge to imagine what Mr. Levy’s sex life might have resembled up to this point (he says he’s happily married and that he would try having sex with a robot and wouldn’t mind if his wife tried it too), so I turn to the words of Henrik Christensen, the founder of the European Robotics Research Network.

In 2006, Mr. Christensen declared somewhat modestly that people will be having sex with robots within five years. Please mark your calendar. In 2011, Gisele Bundchen, Tom Cruise, Kathy Bates, whichever of these might be your chosen partner, will be yours. With the appropriate added vibration and image licensing rights.

Some of you might be wondering: Cui Bono? Well, Mr. Levy and his fellow techno-electrodollogists have given this subject great thought: “If you ask me if every human will want to marry a robot, my answer is probably not. But will there be a subset of people? There are people ready right now to marry sex toys.”

One assumes from Mr. Levy’s other proclamations that he has a suspicion that many of these sex toy nuptialists are at MIT.

This perhaps might be the reason why, in the highly prescient ABC series, “Boston Legal,” Jerry Espensen, a lawyer known as “Hands” (please don’t ask, watch the show) has a blowup doll with which he has a very meaningful relationship. Indeed, when he tried having a relationship with a human, he found himself dumped for an iPhone.

However, I think anyone out there, in Boston or elsewhere, who knows someone, or indeed, has the notion themselves, of marrying a sex toy, should write me and help unblur those lines for those of us who are less enlightened.

In essence, Levy argues that robots will be most welcomed by those who have trouble making relationships with humans: “…those who are extremely shy, or have psychological problems or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities.”

Hold on, I know many people who would not be considered attractive with extremely unpleasant personalities who seem to do very well with their target sex. And I am thinking neither of Mickey Rourke nor Jack Welch nor Cherie Blair when I say this.

Levy is human enough to accept that electrodolls might well cause some friction in those old-fashioned human/human marriages. However, he declares: “Maybe some other relationships could welcome a robot. Instead of a woman saying ‘not tonight, darling, I have a headache,’ you could get ‘I have a headache, darling. Why not use your robot?’”

Leaving aside the gross sexism inherent in his presumption, it seems to me that Levy has his philosophical knickers very much twisted. But to him, a man who has immersed himself in chess and artificial intelligence, having sex with a robot is nothing other than a further evolutional step that began with interracial marriages.

Perhaps I have a romantic notion about relationships, but I find it very difficult to grasp that a robot could ever take the place of those that I love. Maybe I’m the naive one, standing in the way of progress like someone using their hotel phone at the CES conference.

So please let me underline Mr. Levy’s scientific credentials. In the 1990s he led a team that won the 1997 Loebner Prize, something akin to a world championship of artificially intelligent conversational software. And today he runs a company that makes electronic brain games. Hand-held, naturally.

Sex with robots by 2050

An artificial intelligence expert claims we will be having sex with robots by 2050.

David Levy says by then robots will be nearly indistinguishable from real people.

In his book, Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot relationships, he writes: ‘Great sex on tap for everyone, 24/7. What’s not to like?’

According to Levy, the people who are most likely to benefit from these sexbots are those so ugly or isolated that they have trouble finding human romance.

He said: “They’re lonely, they’re miserable. I think society will be a much better place when they have an alternative that satisfies them without doing any harm to other people.”

“If there was a robot of the sort I describe in the book, I would certainly want to experience using it for sex and I wouldn’t regard it as anything untoward. “I would do it out of curiosity. Not that I have a need for a new sex partner, I’m happily married.”

…so does an attractive salesperson

Shoppers are more likely to buy something and would pay more for an item if it is sold by an attractive salesperson, particularly of the opposite sex, according to a Canadian study.

Even if a shirt had been used and had not been washed, some consumers were willing to pay more for it if they knew the person who had worn it was attractive.

"If a shirt had been touched by someone who is highly attractive and of the opposite gender, the shoppers evaluated the products higher and they’re willing to drop more money on it," said Jennifer Argo, a professor at the University of Alberta School of Business.

Argo, Darren Dahl of the University of British Columbia and Andrea Morales of Arizona State University studied the reactions of 300 shoppers who were assisted by an attractive model and an average looking salesperson trying to sell a shirt said to be the last in the store.

The researchers found that both male and female shoppers who saw the attractive model leave the changing room with the shirt were willing to try it on next.

"If the shopper was of average attractiveness, the participant evaluated the shirt negatively. But if it was the opposite gender and they were highly attractive, the participants were willing to pay more," Argo explained in a statement.

"The results show that it’s worth having highly attractive people work there. Or if you can’t, at least have the staff dress well and be well-groomed and maximize their potential."

In the second part of the study which will be published in the Journal of Consumer Research, the researchers questioned only male shoppers who were assisted by female models and salespeople. The men tried on a shirt which the salesperson said she had worn the shift before.

Afterward the men were asked how much they liked the shirt, if they would buy it and how much they would pay for it.

"The dirty shirt won for the men when the salesperson was highly attractive," Argo said.

"It’s like they were trying to get her essence."

Yes, sex sells!

NIGEL Cawthorne, author of more than 80 books, is probably best known for his Sex Lives series, comprising, so far, a dozen books that catalogue the sexual habits of the world’s rich and powerful, famous and shameless.

The 56-year-old British author was in Singapore at the beginning of the month to speak at the Singapore Writers Festival. He was supposed to head a panel discussion on the, erm, ins and outs of writing sex scenes but, unfortunately, this event did not go ahead as planned.

Cawthorne spoke, instead, on being a hired gun. Many of his books are commissioned and he says he never turns down an assignment if the money is good. Also, even when he comes up with his own idea for a book, he will only continue writing it once a publisher makes a commitment to it.

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Teenagers who have had formal sex education are far more likely to put off having sex, contradicting earlier studies on the effectiveness of such programs, U.S. researchers said on Wednesday.

They found teenage boys who had sex education in school were 71 percent less likely to have intercourse before age 15, and teen girls who had sex education were 59 percent less likely to have sex before age 15.

Sex education also increased the likelihood that teen boys would use contraceptives the first time they had sex, according to the study by researchers at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which was published in the Journal of Adolescent Health.

"Sex education seems to be working," Trisha Mueller, an epidemiologist with the CDC who led the study, said in a statement. "It seems to be especially effective for populations that are usually at high risk."

Mueller’s team looked at a 2002 national survey of 2,019 teens aged 15 to 19.

They found teen boys who had sex education in school were nearly three times more likely to use birth control the first time they had intercourse. But sex education appeared to have no effect on whether teen girls used birth control, the researchers found.

Black teenage girls who had sex education in school were 91 percent less likely to have sex before age 15.

The researchers did not evaluate the content of sex education programs, including whether students were taught about contraception or about abstinence only.

Earlier studies, which relied on data from the 1970s through the 1990s, suggested sex education did little to persuade teens to delay sex.

The researchers said they think the difference may be that sex education in the United States is now more widespread and is being taught at earlier ages.

"Unlike many previous studies, our results suggest that sex education before first sex protects youth from engaging in sexual intercourse at an early age," they wrote.

Sex Education Works, Study Shows
Teens Who Have Formal Sex Education Delay Sexual Activity, Researchers Find

Sex education is effective, increasing the chances that teens will delay having sexual intercourse at least until they reach age 15, according to a new study.

"We were encouraged that sex education is working," says Trisha Mueller, MPH, an epidemiologist at the CDC in Atlanta who led the study. "Sex education should continue to be implemented."

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SEX education lessons should be given to schoolchildren as young as five as part of a bid to combat soaring levels of teenage pregnancy and sexual disease, Scotland’s most senior public health doctor said last night.

Dr Charles Saunders, chairman of the British Medical Association’s Scottish consultants’ committee, warned that schools were leaving the safe-sex message so late that many teenagers were already exposing themselves to avoidable risk.

Saunders also called for secondary schools to hand out condoms and other forms of contraception to children from the age of 13.

His comments are the most radical call for reform of sex education in Scotland ever to be made by such a senior doctors’ leader.

Last night, parents’ groups gave Saunders’ remarks their cautious backing and the Scottish Government said it was up to individual schools to decide when to begin sex education. But the Catholic Church in Scotland said it would oppose any such move, describing it as “pointless”.

Scotland’s sexual health record is one of the poorest in the western world. Teenage pregnancies are on the rise with 9,040 in 2005, the latest year for which figures are available, compared with 8,891 in 2004. Cases of sexually transmitted diseases are also rising. In April to June this year, Scottish laboratories saw 4,715 cases of chlamydia - up 6% from 4,468 in January to March.

Saunders, a consultant in public health medicine at NHS Fife, said: “It needs to start at quite an early age, because if you leave it until they are 12 it is too late because some are already experimenting. It probably needs to be started off when children start school. You need to start laying the groundwork to help them and empower them to make decisions and turn things down.

“At five it needs to be a language that they understand and taught in the same way as any other subject. It would be basic mechanics at that age in the same way as you teach a child of that age a tiny amount about geography, a fairly superficial introduction.

“It should start off with relatively simple concepts in the same way as English and science start off with the basics. It could start off with how babies are made and progress from there.”

He added: “You need to start somewhere and it makes an awful lot of sense to start long before it’s needed, because if you leave it too long you are wasting your time.

“Basically sex education needs to be a whole lot better. It’s not just anatomical drawings but what the risks are from infections and what the pros and cons are of having sex or waiting.

“It’s not a simple task to get young people empowered enough to use condoms, but it’s the key. You want to ensure people are not having sex when they don’t want to have it, and that when they do want to have it they are not putting themselves at risk.”

Saunders added that all schools should also provide contraception to pupils. Currently contraception is on offer at a small number of schools.

He said: “Particularly in rural areas, schools may well be the only way that pupils can access contraception.

“It may well be that as time goes on it would make sense to have emergency contraception in schools.”

The Scottish Government allows local authorities and head teachers to set their own sex education policies, provided they are deemed appropriate to the age of the child and parents are happy with the subject matter.

In the majority of cases children do not learn about sex until Primary Six or Seven, when they are 10 or 11. They are not taught about the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases until secondary school.

A school could introduce sex education in Primary One, provided parents and teachers agreed it was the right move.

Judith Gillespie, development manager of the Scottish Parent Teacher Council, said she was undecided about whether

five was the appropriate age to begin sex education, but she recognised Saunders’ concerns.

She said: “We do have to step up our sex education, but if they want to move forward with this they can’t just take it into schools, they have to have the support of parents.

“Sex education is an area where schools have to approach parents, and parents have the opportunity to veto it. We need to have a concerted information campaign so that parents understand it.”

A spokesman for the teaching union the Educational Institute of Scotland

said: “While it is sensible to examine ways of improving the quality of information available to pupils, we must always take full account of the concerns of both the parents of the children concerned, and the teachers who are expected to deliver sex and relationship education.”

However, a spokesman for the Catholic Church said five-year-olds were too young to understand sex.

He said: “When children reach puberty they are able to assimilate information about their own sexuality but they are just not ready at five. It’s way over their heads and would be as pointless as giving a five-year-old a talk on alcohol. At the age of 15 it’s a different matter.”

Public Health Minister Shona Robison

said: “We expect all schools to teach sex and relationships education and we expect them to consult parents about the content of sex and relationships education programmes.

“Any sex and relationships education needs to be appropriate to the age and stage of the pupils involved. Younger pupils might start learning about the broad idea of relationships, and family and friends, for example.

“We are not persuaded of the need to provide emergency contraception on school premises but do want to ensure that such services are available and are accessible in other local facilities.”

Children of five ’should be given sex lessons’

Sex education lessons should be given to children as young as five in an attempt to combat rising levels of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, a senior public health doctor has said.
Dr Charles Saunders warned that schools were leaving the “safe sex message” so late that many youngsters were being exposed to unnecessary risks.

He said that by the time they were 12, many children were “already experimenting”.

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Jim Trulock and Julie Norris look like an average suburban Dallas couple. He’s a graying middle-aged divorcé pushing 60. She’s 30 years younger but partial to frumpy floral dresses. But on weekends their late-’70s split-level house in the southwestern Dallas suburb of Duncanville is transformed into “The Cherry Pit.” Tubs of whipped cream are laid out with the chips and dip on the yellow Formica countertop. A garland of thong panties adorns a kitchen wall. After a game of Naked Twister or a turn under the disco ball, Jim and Julie and their most intimate friends might pile into their steamy oversize hot tub. And for the, ahem, climax of the night? A semiprivate romp in a side bedroom or a more gregarious encounter on white sheets in “the pit”: a half-dozen beds pushed together in front of the fireplace.

Jim and Julie are swingers—couples who socialize sexually with other couples or singles living “the lifestyle,” as they call it. Surprisingly, the Cherry Pit parties held in the Texan notch of the Bible Belt went relatively unnoticed for years, despite attendance of sometimes 100 or more invited guests. They stayed under the radar partly because the couple lives on a semisecluded, wooded one-acre lot near a state park, and partly because of the libertarian streak of many Texans. Despite the presence of a Boy Scouts campground across the street, they have few neighbors. But city officials said they had received dozens of complaints over the years that the “parties” on Cedar Ridge Drive were attracting streams of traffic to their normally quiet neighborhood. After examining the couple’s Web site, officials found a request for a suggested donation of $50 per couple (since removed) and accused Trulock of running a sex business from his home. In early November the Duncanville city council passed a law against sex clubs, calling them a public nuisance to the self-proclaimed family-friendly city.

The Cherry Pit parties continued, and Trulock was cited twice for the misdemeanor crime of operating a sex club. On Wednesday Trulock filed suit against the city, saying the new law is unconstitutional on the grounds that it invades the couple’s privacy, denies them due process and is overly vague. “What they do behind closed doors, unless it’s some kind of activity involving violence or children or animals or drugs, it’s none of the government’s business!” says their attorney, Edward Klein.

Trulock and Norris say they tried to be good neighbors. They had always set strict rules for their events: no drugs, no weapons and, above all, each guest’s wishes must be respected by other guests at all times (in other words, “no” always means “no”). After the city “attacked,” as Trulock put it in a message to the Cherry Pit’s Yahoo online group, which has almost 4,000 members, they tried to keep the party going by encouraging car pools. When the city erected No Parking signs on the street in front of their driveway, they arranged for off-site parking. They toned down their Web site and tried to explain their lifestyle to the gawkers and TV camera crews that began cruising by their house. Bloggers joked that Baptists were trying to shut the swinger parties down because they might lead to dancing. Many of Trulock and Norris’s neighbors told reporters they have a “live and let live” attitude toward what the couple does behind closed doors. But others denounced the swinging lifestyle. “It’s immoral,” says one neighbor, Jack Martin, a 74-year-old retiree. “Would you want someone living next to you who was a pedophile if you have a bunch of kids? It’s on the same line. The frame of mind is the same. The end result is the same: sex.”

Norris, a 29-year-old nonpracticing attorney with a law degree from Southern Methodist University, is cheerfully open about swinging, which she describes as a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle for couples. Their attorney has advised them to refrain from media interviews while their criminal case is pending, but she spoke briefly with NEWSWEEK. One common misconception about swingers, she says, is that they have troubled relationships. “Many people who are swingers believe that it saved their marriage. Now it’s part of their marriage and part of who they are. But it has to be something you need or are interested in.” While Norris and Trulock aren’t married, many swingers are, she says. Other areas of the country are more open to the swinging lifestyle, Norris adds. But in Texas “the fear is if one little small town can do it, then everyone can.”

No one knows how many swingers there are, but there is a growing number of Web sites, clubs and resorts that cater to the swinging lifestyle. Robert McGinley, founder and president of NASCA (informally known as the North America Swing Club Association), says many people “want more than just one bite of the apple.” McGinley, now 74, became an activist for the swinging lifestyle almost 40 years ago with his wife. Today there are swinger clubs operating as public businesses or gatherings in private homes in almost every major city in America, he says. “In the United States we’re rather uptight compared to all other Western countries when it comes to sexual behavior. But you cannot outlaw sex. You can try all you want to, but it won’t stand up in life, even if it stands up in the courts. We are full-time sexual beings.”

Swinging isn’t new. California military families reportedly swapped wives at the first “key parties” in the 1950s; these events later became part of the lore of the swinging ’60s and ’70s. Today’s modern swinging movement includes conventions and national publications—and Swing Stock, a four-day campout in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area featuring group showers and the crowning of a king and queen. Swingers even have their own generation gap; older swingers feel that the youth are too superficial or that they are looking for a “big orgy” instead of strengthening their current relationships and making new friendships, says Curtis Bergstrand, head of sociology at Bellarmine University, a Roman Catholic institution in Louisville, Ky.

The Cherry Pit started as a private gathering in an apartment in the 1980s in a neighborhood popular with young urban professionals. It outgrew those digs and eventually moved with its host to Duncanville. In 2004 Trulock and Norris restarted the parties, which compete for patrons of other Dallas-area swinger clubs, including the Silver Minx, Velvet Curtain, Spankee’s Club, Iniquity and the Rustic Red House, to name a few.
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Sex – it does the body good.

Yet most of us are quicker to hit the gym before hitting the sheets when it comes to taking care of ourselves. Believe it or not, huffing and puffing your way through a hot, sweat-inducing sex session may be far more beneficial to your overall health than the time you spend on the treadmill.

As research confirms time and time again, good sex in a healthy, stable, monogamous relationship can only better our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Sex, in this context, offers us tons of benefits, most of which aren’t touted nearly enough.

Here are just a few benefits:

— Weight loss and weight control. Forget torturing yourself with the latest fad diet or hours on the elliptical machine when you can burn about 200 calories in 30 minutes of sex! Lovemaking lends itself to improved strength, flexibility, muscle tone, and cardiovascular conditioning. Plus, there’s something super sexy about getting to sleep with your very own “personal trainer.”

— Pain management. Forgo popping a pain killer and opt for something a bit more “au naturel.” Sex has been shown to offer migraine and menstrual cramp relief, as well as alleviate chronic back pain thanks to the endorphins and corticosteroids released during sexual arousal and orgasm.

— Stress relief. Sex, even if only with ourselves, impacts the way we respond to stress, increasing levels of oxytocin and stimulating feelings of warmth and relaxation. What better way to unwind from a tough day than sharing its most climactic moment with your special someone?

— Immune booster. Stop spending late nights at the office. Sex wards off colds and the flu. And sexually active people take fewer sick days, giving the phrase “working late” an entirely new meaning. Bosses, take note.

— Better heart health. A little bit of heart and soul in the sack should be part of every doctor’s orders when it comes to cardiovascular care. Sex may help lower cholesterol and the risk of heart attack.

— Increased self-esteem and intimacy. When sex is consistent and involves mutual pleasure, it can increase bonding since the surge in oxytocin at orgasm stimulates feelings of affection, intimacy, and closeness. When spiritual in nature, sex can lead to an even better quality of life and stronger relationship. Is it any wonder that good sexual energy in a positive relationship can make you feel better about yourself, your partner, and life in general?

— Sleep enhancement. There’s no need to count sheep when sex, including masturbation, helps insomnia. Plus, making love sure beats tossing and turning your way to zzzz’s.

— A better, younger looking you. Sex keeps you looking and feeling younger and, according to some research, may lead to shiny hair, a glowing complexion and bright eyes. This is because it increases the youth-promoting hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrostone). And feeling more attractive charges your sex life even more.

— Mood lifter. Sex releases pleasure-inducing endorphins during arousal and climax that can relieve depression and anxiety, and increase vibrancy.

— Longevity. There is a significant relationship between frequency of orgasm and risk of death, especially with men. Men who orgasm two times a week have a 50 percent lower chance of mortality than those who climax one time per month. The bonus: Living longer also gives you and your honey the opportunity for even more lovin’!

— Decreased risk of breast cancer. One study of women who had never given birth found that an increased frequency of sexual intercourse was correlated with a decrease in the incidence of breast cancer.

— Reproductive health benefits. According to at least one study, sex appears to decrease a man’s risk of prostate cancer, and the prevention of endometriosis in women. It also promotes fertility in women by regulating menstrual patterns.

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