Vajazzling, the latest trend in Swarovski crystal vaginal bejewelment, debuted on the national vaginal stage this January. And somehow, it has not yet retreated to the dark recesses of minor celebrity Jennifer Love Hewitt’s panties, from which it came. Vajazzling has reinvigorated Hewitt’s celebrity (”It shined like a disco ball”). Vajazzle specialists are popping up everywhere (”Aww, c’mon, this is gonna be great by the time you’re all done Vajazzling!”). Vajazzling has even caused one man, who we will call Jason, to look directly at a vagina (”It’s mesmerizing . . . This is probably the longest I’ve ever stared at a vagina”).

Vajazzling (or Vagazzling) is a crazy new trend in below the belt beauty that is stirring up some serious media attention, thanks to Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jennifer appeared on the George Lopez show in January where she revealed her love of vajazzling. She loves to vajazzle so much, that she wrote an entire chapter on this peculiar beauty practice in her new book “The Day I Shot Cupid”. Vajazzling is a form of Brazilian bikini wax where stick-on Swarovski crystals are applied to the skin after hair removal. Yep, you read that right; vajazzling is bling for your girl parts. I wish I was making this stuff up, but it’s true! Jennifer described the appearance of the bikini trend by stating that “it shined like a disco-ball” and went on to recommend that all girls should try vajazzling their “precious lady”. The strange beauty fad also made an appearance on the TV show, The Doctors, where Dr. Lisa Masterson described vajazzling as a fun and safe alternative to piercing. This bikini grooming trend isn’t for everyone, and most women, like myself, find it more laugh worthy than intriguing. But for all you brave girls out there who want to give vajazzling a try, here’s how you do it.

Step 1
Purchase a stick-on crystal body tattoo in your favorite design and color. Crystal tattoos come in designs such as hearts, stars and butterflies. You can find these in the makeup section of most stores, but to get real Swarovski crystal tattoos, you’ll need to order online. Swarovski retired their line of body crystals recently, so they are very hard to find. See the resources section below to find where you might can still get them.

Step 2
Start by shaving or waxing your bikini area completely. Be sure to clean the area very well after you shave or wax. Stickers stay on clean skin better than skin that has product residue or lotions on it. When finished, pat the area dry with a soft towel.

Step 3
Apply the crystal stickers to the upper part of your bikini area only. For instance, if your private region was represented by the letter V, you would only stick the crystals on the very top part of the V. Don’t go anywhere near the bottom part of the letter with those crystals!

Step 4
To remove the vajazzle crystals, simply peel them off gently. If they are too stuck to the skin to comfortably peel off, apply a little babyoil to dissolve the glue for easier removal.

Decorate your “down” area!

Jennifer Love Hewitt recently decorated her nether regions with Swarovski crystals, turning her naughty bits into — her words — a “pink disco ball.”

It’s called Vajazzling. Like Bedazzling, you know? That infomercial about putting rhinestones on your clothes? Only this is no denim vest enhanced by a handheld machine that you can get for just $19.95 if you call right now. With vajazzling, you go into a high-end salon, get waxed bare, and are bejewled below the belt.

You know, I’m not sure which surprised me more: That Hewitt did it; that she went on national television and told everyone about it; or that such an activity exists at all. But there she was on The George Lopez Show letting it all hang out. OK — not literally, of course. But she was talking all about it. She was so proud and giggly. She said she did it after a break-up to lift her spirits, and apparently it worked. Hewitt also shared her vajazzling tale on Chelsea Lately, The View and The Joy Behar Show. Girlfriend gets around.

The procedure goes something like this: You choose your design and they wax you bare as the day you were born. Then the design is hand-glued, crystal by crystal, or a crystal “tattoo” is applied. Generally, the vajazzling is done just above the, well, key player, as it were. Having it done any further down is not recommended, though from Hewitt’s description, it sounds like she went all out. Some women have a very small, simple design done high enough that low-slung jeans will reveal a glimmer. But the real thing is as low as you dare to go. Basically, where the hair was, now there are crystals.

Completely Bare in New York City, which claims to have originated the service and the name, offers a variety of designs starting at $115, including the wax. One design, a beautiful padlock on a chain, costs $750.

So, in the name of journalism, I decided I had to get vajazzled myself. Unfortunately, I don’t live in NYC and so Completely Bare wasn’t an option on such short notice.

After much research, I found a salon where I live in Dallas, Texas, that has just started doing the procedure. But after several failed attempts to get an appointment, I decided I had no choice but to do it myself.

You can order the crystal tattoos directly from Completely Bare spa or get them from a variety of other suppliers. But I – don’t laugh – happened to already have one. I stayed at a very sexy hotel in Paris called the Hotel Sezz, and body décor is one of the things available in the mini bar. The ones I had on hand were actually made by Bijoux Indiscrets for decorating one’s breasts. But the concentric circle pattern seemed like it would do just fine for vajazzling too.

So, after preparing my, ahem, canvas, I asked my significant other to give me a hand. Peel, position, press, and release. Viola, I was all jazzled! I have to admit, the whole idea seemed kind of kooky. But, you know what? It looks really great. Rather sexy, if I do say so myself. It certainly wasn’t how I expected to spend my Monday afternoon. But, hey, I’m all for an adventure. And my lover dug it too. The whole experiment led to a little fooling around, in fact, during which no crystals were harmed.
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Here I sit in beautiful Southern California, land of the hybrid cars, cloth bags for groceries and recycled water bottles. So I knew it was only a matter of time before the collective consciousness started turning its attention towards the bedroom and people sought to become more environmentally friendly while being REALLY friendly with themselves.

No, I’m not talking about recycling condoms. Get your mind out of the gutter. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth just thinking it. I’m talking about sex toys and other sexcessories that are not only good for you down under but good for the whole planet.

Now I know some of you will think, “Fantastic! Where do I sign up?” But so many others will think, Oh brother, how lame can you get?”

Hey, I get it. I’m not saying environmentally aware sex toys are for everyone. Some people could care less about the so-called GREEN products and think those who do are a bunch of tree huggin’, sprout-eating humpers. That may be true. And that’s cool. You go enjoy your Hummers (The four wheel kind) and aerosol spray while leaving all the lights on. I’m not here to judge.

But for the growing number of people out there who are becoming more and more concerned with the stuff we eat / wear / inhale / stick in our private places, ask yourself this:

Why play green?

In one word: Phthalates.

What the hell are Phthalates, you ask? I wondered the same thing. Am I eating them, breathing them, wearing them?

If you answered, D) All of the above, you’d be pretty spot on.

Phthalates (pronounced FAY-lates) are these oil-derived chemicals that have been used in paints, in hair sprays, perfumes and plenty of other products. They are also used to soften plastics such as dildos, vibrators and ahem, butt plugs. And not just the grown-up toys, as children’s toys have used this chemical as well.

These phthalates have been found to allegedly pose a risk to human health and the environment. How much, no one knows for sure because there’s no human testing to see what, if any, is the permanent damage. But scientists have found that phthalates get absorbed into our bodies. So Europe banned the chemical from children’s toys permanently.

Plus GREENPEACE, (yes, THE Greenpeace) issued a TOXIC SEX TOY WARNING … (I swear I can’t make this stuff up. How hilarious and tragic is that at the same time?)

The organization warned NOT to shove the “Spectra Gel Anal Plug” or the “Crystal Jelly Double Dong” where the sun does not shine, if you get my drift.

So I figure, if it’s a health risk to the kiddies, then it could be a health risk to my kitty.

And THAT is no bueno.

So what are frisky men and women to do?

Have no fear. Sex toy manufacturers and retailers to the rescue!

Companies like the Sweden based Lelo and Lodon based CoCo de Mer make all their sex toys with glass, jade or medical-grade silicone, making their darlings toxin-free. Other mega retailers like San Francisco based Good Vibrations are phasing out their products with phthalates and suggest using a condom over your favorite “friends” if you have any concerns.

Because apparently, a lot of you DO have concerns.

Cleo, the owner who runs the online women’s sensuality store, Cleosboutique.com, has noticed a change in what her clients want.

“Women are very conscious of their bodies, and with almost all aspects, want to know what’s in all the products they use, from makeup to sexual stimulants. It was important that we supply products that our customers feel are safe, which is why we keep a variety of eco-friendly toys on the website.”

I guess we’re entering an era of Even Safer Sex. Safe sex with yourself.

But the good news is if ever I need a reason to play with toys, I can always remind myself, “I’m doin’ it for the polar bears.”

Sex Toy Materials

What’s my toy made of, anyway?

There are several basic types of materials found in sex toys:

Silicone
VixSkin Silicone
Silicone/Rubber Mixes
Elastomer
Jelly Rubber and Phthalates
Soft Vinyl
Hard Materials (hard plastics, acrylics, Lucite, glass, metal, ceramic)
TPR (Thermo plastic rubber)
TPE (Thermo plastic elastomer)

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As I’m sure you’re well aware, there are many good reasons to have sex. In fact, sometimes you don’t need any reason at all — other than, say, loving your partner.

However, sometimes a lady finds herself doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. That’s what we’re here to cover. So if you find yourself in any of the following situations, please extricate yourself as quickly as possible:

Revenge: The most popular very-wrong reason to have sex, revenge sex never ends well.

Hooking up with his best friend because you’re angry at your boyfriend will get you nowhere. If you do manage to break up their friendship, then you’re stuck with an untrustworthy dude (if he did it to him, he’ll do it to you).

Even worse, there’s always the (strong) possibility that he went right back and told his buddy and the two of them are now comparing notes over high-fives and hot wings.

Ego gratification: You must be fine if that scorching hot bartender took you home. Or not. Men have been known to do some unsavory things for physical gratification. The fact that he’s willing and able doesn’t say squat about your appeal.

Appliance envy: Your roommate “doesn’t believe” in air conditioning. You can’t afford premium cable and are addicted to “Weeds.” You’re desperate to try out Wii Fit. All of these desires are perfectly rational.

However, they are absolutely not worth the price of waking up next to someone you otherwise cannot stand. (Well, except for the AC, but that’s only if it’s above 100 Fahrenheit.)

Weight loss: Yes, you may have read those women’s magazine articles about how being physically intimate can help you shed pounds. However, a 120-pound woman burns only 57 calories during 15 minutes of sex. That’s less than half a Hostess Ho-Ho. The sweat could do nice things for your skin, but your waist will remain the same size.
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A diminished sex drive may be linked with chronic oxygen deprivation in patients of obstructive sleep apnea, especially during episodes of obstructed breathing.

University of Louisville researchers found that after a week of being subjected to chronic oxygen deprivation (CIH), mice showed a 55% decline in their daily spontaneous erections. After five weeks of such exposure, average interval between mounting a mate increased 60-fold.

The study examined the behavioural and physiological effects in mice exposed to CIH for anywhere from five to 24 weeks. Control mice were kept under identical conditions, but were not subjected to nocturnal CIH.

In five out of seven mice tested, ejaculation did not occur at all, whereas in control mice the median time was only a few minutes, said Gozal.

The Simple Secret for More Sex

When women are rushed, sleep suffers — and so does your sex life

A recent survey of American women confirmed what most women already knew (and men suspected): They’re so rushed during the day that they don’t get enough sleep, and that means less sex for everyone. According to the National Sleep Foundation, women who are short on time first cut back on sleep and exercise. Next to suffer cutbacks: social life, healthy eating…and sex.

“This is the largest survey in the U.S. of women in all stages of their life,” says Dr. Meir Kryger, director of research and education of Sleep Medicine at Gaylord Hospital in Wallingford, CT. “It’s one of the first to take into account both biology and lifestyle.

“If poor sleep patterns are a daily occurrence for women, it severely impacts their energy towards sex in the bedroom — which is going to then affect men. It’s all interconnected, and recognizing the problem will help any relationship.”

Does this explain the “I’m too tired” excuse?

Clearly some women and men do say “I’m too tired” when they mean “I don’t want to”, “I’m too stressed”, “I have other things on my mind”, or “I’m annoyed with you”. What it means probably depends on the person. Often it is a way of getting out of sex without a confrontation — she could just be mad that you came home late and didn’t call or didn’t empty the dishwasher.

But the take-home message from this study should be that women (and likely men) are not getting enough sleep, bottom line, and that there are ways men and women, as partners, can improve this. Sleep has a very important effect — including having enough energy for sex as well as sexual performance, meaning orgasms for women and men, and erections for men.

Guys can always find time for sex. Why not women?

Men do not always budget time for sex, either; they may say that, but research shows that they don’t. Fatigue is a common reason that both men and women opt out of sex. Many people who deal with fatigue instead try to have sex in the morning when they may be less tired, if they tend to get more tired in the afternoon or evening. This may be a good solution for some men and their partners, too.

If more sleep equals more sex, what can men do to help women get more rest?

We know from years of research that even when couples start out in “equal” relationships, they tend over time to settle into more traditional roles, with women taking on more home and family tasks like homework, cooking, and cleaning, while men serve as breadwinners. Men may be able to ease their wife or girlfriend’s burden — and help her get more sleep — if they work with their partner to make the last few hours of the day more peaceful.

Here are some ideas:
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It’s the threesome of foreplay — only there’s no touching involved. Every now and then, a couple will steal away to a night club for a few hours of arousal. In a few situations, it’s a festive Chippendales venue; but in most cases, it’s a dimly-lit, somber, reserved experience with all eyes on the women.

Whether it’s a seedy hole in the wall or a high-class venue, scantily-clad women suggesting triple-X action is the theme of the show. Relegated as a male “pastime,” this world of table and lap dances is seen as his escape.

So when his partner is willing to get in on the act, eyebrows are raised.

Why in the world would any “respectable” woman want to go to a strip club? Such old-fashioned speculation comes swiftly, but is easily met with the fact that times have changed.

Plenty of women are all for a good striptease. In recent years, we’ve seen mothers and wives from coast to coast take to pole dancing, whether for exercise or to spice up their sex lives.

For those not into this type of naughty, the appeal is hard to fathom. What exactly is the draw of this pleasure pursuit as a pair?

Couples are going to strip clubs because

:

1. There’s no work involved.

Foreplay becomes a breeze even before you take your seat. Lovers often find themselves sexually excited at the mere prospect of going to a strip club. Yet this arousal goes far beyond pre-game show titillations, with lovers already anticipating what will happen once they get back home.

2. It’s a bonding experience.

Sure, strip clubs don’t exactly bring on the warm fuzzies, but they raise the temperature in other ways. Lovers enjoy “sharing” the stripper, but staying focused on their union by touching and flirting with each other. This sex worker becomes a mutual object of desire that can have partners feeling closer, sexually speaking.

3. They like the power dynamic.

It’s not PC to admit it, but some couples like that they’re the paying customer. Consciously or not, they’re into the sense that when they give the dancer money, they get to “own” her to some degree. The room full of naked gals is all about their pleasuring and nothing else.

4. The experience can make them feel sexier.

By identifying with the stripper’s sexuality or desiring it, lovers can feel more wanton in the process. In other cases, where a stripper looks particularly haggard, a woman may come away from the experience feeling confirmed (and relieved) that she’s more attractive than the gal on stage. After all, the slight jealousy that can be fueled by the experience acts as inspiration to outdo the stripper at some point.

5. It’s fun.

Going to strip clubs allows for novel experiences and variety, sometimes inspiring moves for bedroom action.

6. It’s so bad that it’s good.

Despite its popularity, the experience of going to a strip club is still very taboo in nature. Couples thrive off of doing the unconventional and feeling more than a bit naughty. This includes the turn-on of seeing a partner flirt with a stripper or vice versa.

7. It invites sex and only sex.

Going to a strip club can be the excuse couples need for not being emotionally intimate from time to time. It keeps the action at home more sex-focused and can act as a safety valve for those who cannot or don’t want to connect with their partner.

8. It’s safe.

Health-wise, going to a strip club invites some of the tag team experience without presenting the sexual health risks involved. Couples don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases, yet they can still relish the third-party effects.

9. It puts a woman’s mind at ease.

Even if they don’t like watching their men get turned on, some women would rather know what their partners are doing than be left wondering. Accompanying him to a strip club makes her feel like she’s more on top of his sexual liaisons.

Going to a strip club isn’t for every couple. If it goes against your values or invites sexual jealousy, then definitely stay away. But if your relationship can handle such experimentation, be sure to discuss ahead of time what is and isn’t allowed.

Is it okay to get a lap dance? What’s considered cheating? How will you handle amateur night?

Remember, flexibility is key, as the rules may need to change once you’re inside. Seeing strip club fantasies become reality can be difficult for some. It may tap insecurities for some, while the sight of often sad, blank-faced strippers evokes pity from others.

If your partner looks uncomfortable or wants to go, don’t make a big issue over it. Just be sure to tell — and later show — your lover that, at the end of the night, they’re always the star of the show.

…or If you prefer to have some striptease at home

Striptease tips:

The traditional striptease is not for everyone: some consider it the ultimate display of female sexual power, reducing male viewers to quivering bowls of jelly, while others find it embarrassing or even demeaning. One thing’s for sure: many a man truly enjoys the visual, so an erotic dance can be a generous gift. This is not to suggest that the ladies don’t like to look too. Or that a striptease can’t be a joint effort or a male endeavor — we think it should be, and often. Therefore a woman should feel free to tell her fella, “You first” or “Now your turn!” But for the sake of simplicity, the following tips are written assuming the lady in the relationship wants to be the first to perform. By the way, don’t think you need the body of a model or stripper to dance suggestively for your partner. He’ll be focused on the show, not on your so-called imperfections. You go-go girl! (Just please don’t install a pole in your bedroom.)

• Rent 9 1/2 Weeks to learn from Kim Basinger’s striptease: the outfit, the moves, the music, the shy-cheeky-sexy attitude (just ignore the disturbing plot line).
• Dance to a song that you’ll both enjoy — you should feel sexy moving to it, but he shouldn’t be thinking, “I can’t believe she’s still into boy bands.”
• Wear a shirt with buttons: it automatically creates 10 extra moves! Play peek-a-boob with each side. Once it’s undone, turn your back on him and shimmy it off your shoulders before dropping it to the floor. Oh, and don’t wear tight pants or jeans. Because if you can look sexy while you take those off, then you can quit your day job. Instead, wear a pencil skirt that you can push down (while bending forward with your back or side to him) and then step out of. Throw clothes in his direction as you remove them.

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There’s new advice for older men who want to preserve their sexual function: have sex, and have it often, researchers say.

In a study that followed nearly 1,000 older Finnish men for five years, researchers found that those who were regularly having sex at the start of the study were at lower risk of developing erectile dysfunction (ED) by the study’s end.

In fact, the more often the men had sex, the lower their ED risk.

The implication, say the researchers, is that men should be encouraged to stay sexually active into their golden years.

Dr. Juha Koskimaki and colleagues at the University of Tampere in Finland report the findings in the American Journal of Medicine. The study included 989 men who were between the ages of 55 and 75 at the outset.

Overall, those who said they had sex less than once per week were twice as likely to develop ED over the next five years as men who had sex at least once a week. Furthermore, compared with men who had sex three or more times per week, their ED risk was increased nearly four-fold.

A number of factors contribute to ED development, many of which could also affect a man’s sexually activity — such as age, diabetes and heart disease. However, after taking account of those factors, sexual activity itself remained linked to ED risk, Koskimaki’s team found.

It may be a matter of “use it or lose it,” according to the researchers. Just as exercise boosts physical fitness, they note, regular sexual activity may help a man preserve his erectile function.

ED occurs when there are problems with blood flow to the penis. Regular sexual activity, Koskimaki’s team writes, may help maintain healthy blood vessel function in the erectile tissue.

Sex Tips for older men

Getting older changes sexual function and desire. Senior sex isn’t the same as it was in your 20s — but it can still be satisfying. Contrary to common myths about sexuality and older adults, sex is not just for the young. Many seniors continue to enjoy their sexuality into their 80s and beyond.

A healthy sex life is not only fulfilling, but it’s also good for other aspects of your life, including your physical health and self-esteem. Adapting to your changing body can help you maintain a healthy and satisfying sex life. But you may have to make a few changes, such as allowing yourself more time to become aroused and talking more openly with your partner.

What changes as men get older?

As men age, testosterone levels decline and changes in desire and sexual function are common. These changes can include:
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Sometimes you feel like you need a translator to figure out what your lover is saying when it comes to sex, right?

It either sounds too simple to be true, or it’s the farthest thing from your imagination. Don’t call Rosetta Stone, we can help you right here. Read on.

When she screams: Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Don’t! Stop!
What she means: Please continue doing exactly what you are doing without changing the tempo or pressure. This is not the time to get creative in an attempt to take things to the next level or show off. You are at the next level, all she wants is for you to keep doing exactly what you are doing, and I do mean exactly, for just a little while longer. So use all your will power to ignore the cramp in your calf, the stitch in your side, or your parched palette, and whether it’s clockwise, counterclockwise, side-to-side or up and down, don’t stop!

When he states: I think the kids are asleep by now… I locked the door.
What he means: Let’s get busy.

When she asks: Are you more of a derriere man or breast man?
What she means: Sure, you hear this as an honest question akin to whether you want salad or fries, but the truth is she is asking if you find her sexy. Although honesty is the best policy, when it comes to women and body/weight-related questions, you are treading on very thin ice, my friend. If her assets are not your faves, I would suggest you say, “both.” This is not being devious, this is being polite. (Consider yourself asking her what is more important to her, “length or girth?”).

When he asks: Why are you putting all those clothes on to come to bed?
What he means: Don’t bother, I am just going to take them all off.

When she says: Talk to me…
What she means: Thankfully, this is not the same “talk” of, “we need to talk,” or “we don’t talk anymore..,” or “you are all talk.”

This means either: 1. Say something sassy/romantic as part of foreplay (or just pretending you are Gomez kissing Morticia’s arm muttering in another language will do), or 2. Say something dirty to turn up the heat in the bedroom; this usually involves describing a “what I am going to do to you,” type scene you can detail. Luckily these can be completely improbable and lacking in any sense of reality…No joke, go hog wild. Get as raunchy as you want as long as you steer clear of scenarios that include her mother, her sister, the neighbor or her best friend.

When he suggests: How about a quickie?
What he means: I really just want to have sex, without all the bells and whistles. Can you cut me some slack? Really, just count to 10, I’ll be fast.

When she suggests: Let’s try something new/something we’ve never done.
What she means: There is a slight chance there is a question underneath this suggestion, one that is asking “are you bored with me/our sex life?” If this isn’t the case, it might unfortunately be the reverse, in which she is being tactful in saying that things may be getting a little monotonous for her. What not to do: Look exasperated. Now would be the best time to break out the fuzzy handcuffs, the improbable role play scenario, or just raid the kitchen for the can of whipped cream.

Got the gist of it? If all else fails, use humor. Lower your voice to a whisper and confer with him/her about logistics. You should never be faulted for trying to be a more accurate when it comes to lovin’.

Why do women moan during sex?

Moaning is a way of communicating or expressing excitement and pleasure. Some women and men moan as a signal to let their partner know that the sensation feels good. Others utter sounds and let their bodies move freely as they “lose control” and allow themselves to be part of the sexual and satisfying experience.

Movies, television, and music present us with idealized sex scenes or lyrics of people moaning and panting at the height of passion. In reality, some people are vocal and may moan and groan, other folks may muffle any sounds with a pillow, and yet others may not make a single peep. Some express themselves by twitching or moving their bodies rhythmically as a response to sexual pleasure.
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Kids are a delight, but they can also be problematic when it comes to keeping the spark alive between you and your spouse.

In today’s child-centric society, it can be difficult to find couple time, especially when romance is in order.

Luckily, you can safeguard your relationship from this common problem by following these five simple steps:

1. Embrace separate beds
Unless you are Suzanne Somers, three is not company. This is especially true when you and your husband aren’t able to bond (wink, wink) due to the pitter-patter of little feet that head to your bedroom every night. It might be hard to turn away the kiddies, especially when they are so fun to cuddle with, but don’t forget that cuddling your partner is important, too! More importantly, your children need to learn how to sleep on their own and be independent. Help your children adjust to sleeping on their own by making it a treat - buy special sheets with their favorite cartoon characters, get them a nightlight, and remind them that big kids sleep in their own room. If they’ve been sleeping with you for a while, it’ll be a process to get them out of your bed and into their own, but if you are consistent and don’t give up, they’ll soon make the transition and you’ll get back those stolen moments in bed for you and your partner.

And by the way, put a lock on your bedroom door today! It’s totally OK for your kids to know Mommy and Daddy regularly take “private time” together. Don’t worry about not being there for them if they really need you. That’s what monitors and knocking are for!

2. Distinguish between vacations and family trips and take both
If you have ever had to travel with small children, you know that family trips are not a vacation for parents. While it is wonderful to see your child experience the beach or Disneyland for the first time, it does not give you the mental and physical break you need. So, go ahead and book that trip to Sea World - but remember to budget time and money for adult-only vacations in which you can get away with your spouse solo. Spending time away from your usual roles as parents will give you a chance to reconnect with your sensual side, free of PB&J requests and “Dora the Explorer” reruns!

3. Don’t be a superparent
Limit your children’s after-school activities to just one or two per season. If you run yourself ragged driving your children to every activity under the sun, you won’t have the time or energy for romance or sex. However, remember to take advantage of the time your children spend at after-school activities (or even better, weekend activities when you and your partner are both home) - an empty house means some privacy for you and your partner!

4. Set a united front
When your children try to get a “yes” out of Mommy after Daddy has already said “no,” problems can erupt in the bedroom and beyond. If one or both of you feels as though your opinion has been disregarded, it can be very hard to turn off that frustration and get in the mood. Indeed, you might even end up feeling your own spouse is the enemy! Bypass these discipline problems by agreeing to never go over each other’s head. The house rule should be “If Mommy says no, so does Daddy, and vice versa.” Deciding as a couple how you want to handle discipline ahead of time is also important, not only for presenting a united front to the kids, but for the sake of your connection as well.

5. Write it in stone
Date night is the highlight of many parents’ long weeks, but too often this night gets pushed aside due to little family disturbances. Set your date night in stone, even if little Jimmy really wants to have friends over, or if your baby-sitter threatens to raise her hourly rate. Couples absolutely must have alone time together in which they can talk, bond and be intimate, so date night should only be canceled as a last resort.

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Are you and your partner having good sex — or great sex? Good sex is sex that is generally satisfying and leaves each partner feeling emotionally and physically fulfilled. Great sex is the same, except it is more intense and more uninhibited … the kind of sex you don’t soon forget!

Many couples in long-term relationships assume that adventurous and uninhibited sex is a thing of the past. This is particularly true when people get stuck in a “good sex” rut — they go through the same motions every time because it gets the job done. When it is over, each partner has been satisfied … but there certainly weren’t fireworks.

For instance, a couple recently came to see me at the Berman Center seeking help for their love life. Despite their happy marriage, Keith and Elizabeth were experiencing intimacy issues. Sex was infrequent, and when it did occur, it often was dull and monotonous. However, between their full-time jobs and raising three kids, neither of them thought they had time to reignite the passion in the bedroom.

In addition to working with them to make space for themselves and each other in their busy lives, I gave Keith and Elizabeth some “homework” to get back in touch with each other’s bodies. I instructed them to engage in a night of VENIS — very erotic no-intercourse sex. In the VENIS program, you can be as imaginative and provocative as you want — massage oils, feathers, body paint, props, etc. The only rule is “no intercourse.” The idea is to enjoy each other’s bodies without rushing toward the finish line. Before sending Keith and Elizabeth off to VENIS land, I supplied them with a basket full of erotic goodies: chocolate body paint, handcuffs, a vibrating rubber ducky and blindfolds. When they came back in for their next session, they told me that their night of VENIS was the best “sex” they ever had!

Here are other ways to turn “good” sex into “great” sex:

The fantasy box: Create a fantasy box and store it in your bedroom. You and your partner should write down your fantasies on little slips of paper and place them in the fantasy box. Every once in a while, when your sex life needs a little extra oomph, dip into the fantasy box and start playing! Making fantasies come true is a great way to bring spice back into the bedroom.

Tantra: Tantric sex not only prolongs sex and improves the quality of orgasms, it also helps increase the emotional intimacy between you and your partner. One great tantric tool is “soul-gazing.” Here’s how to do it: When you are both undressed, sit on the bed facing each other and place your right hand over your partner’s heart and gaze into your partner’s left eye. Synchronize your breathing while you maintain eye contact. Soul-gazing returns sex to that sacred space where intercourse is a holy, valued activity between two people in love.

Bring “sexyback”: Most women need to feel sexy in order to feel sexual desire. However, between driving in traffic, rushing to make dinner and getting the kids in bed, women often feel harried and unattractive at the end of the day. This is where the importance of “me” time comes in. It may sound cliche, but unless you make time to recharge, nurture yourself and get in touch with your senses (massage, bubble bath, pedicure), it will be hard to feel sexy. You may even invest in a little bit of sexy lingerie. Once you start to feel sexy on the outside, it might change the way you approach intimacy. Who knows? You might even be inspired to give your man a little lap dance.

The bottom line is that great sex isn’t as far away as you think. With just a little bit of work, any couple can have fireworks in the bedroom … even on a regular Monday night!

Four Positions for a Better Orgasm

Of course you want a steamier sex life — but there is more to it then candlelight and lingerie. There are actual tried-and-true methods for getting better stimulated and having the Big O. So, get ready for hotter sex with suggestions that will surprise and thrill your partner, from Deborah Sundahl, author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot. Feel free to print this out and bring it to bed with you. We doubt your partner will complain!

Modified Missionary

You’ve probably tried the standard missionary position before. But many women complain that they cannot achieve an orgasm with the man lying on top. This modified version should take things up a notch:

Lie on your back and put your legs over your partner’s shoulders. This is a good position if you need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and it is a nice way to begin to experience building a G-spot orgasm. He’ll have a lot of control over stimulating your G-spot, and you can play with your clitoris to have an orgasm.

Mouth and Finger, Yum!

Many women have an easier time achieving an orgasm through oral sex than with intercourse. And since we can only assume that your partner would love nothing more than to try new ways to please you — walk him through the following exercise:

Ask your partner not to use the tongue as a vibrator on your clit, but to caress your clitoris, urethra and vaginal opening with lips and tongue. Slower is better, so you have time to absorb all the sensations and to remember to relax.

When you feel aroused, ask him to insert a finger, ever so slowly, and rub your G-spot very slowly but firmly. Over time, your G-spot will become more easily aroused, and swollen, and less stimulation will be necessary to feel ready for orgasm.

The point of this exercise is to relax and allow the sensitivity and pleasure to grow and evolve by shifting your focus bit by bit from clitoris to G-spot, over many lovemaking sessions.

Face to Face on a Stool

A tall kitchen stool is perfect for communicating and slowly working up to soulful eye-to-eye communication. If you are used to closing your eyes and burying your head in the pillow, you’ll find that in this position you are more present and equal. No one’s weight is on anyone, you are facing each other (he’s standing and you’re sitting). You can look down at his penis, and he can get valuable feedback about the types of strokes he is delivering when he sees your face and hears your delighted sounds.

Because this position provides intense stimulation to the G-spot and a clear, direct way to communicate, this is the best position for both of you to learn how to awaken and stimulate your G-spot. Your clitoris can also be easily stimulated.

This position is excellent for deep penetration — if the stool is sturdy — and for exploring how deep, penetrating thrusts can trigger the sensations of a uterine orgasm (different than a vaginal orgasm, but equally enjoyable). It’s likely that at first you may not have an orgasm and you may not ejaculate, but it’s worth it to explore a uterine orgasm.

Standing up from Behind

This position borrows certain elements of the popular “doggy-style” position, where the woman is on her hands and knees and is entered from behind. But if you try standing up, slightly bent forward, you’ll find more pressure on the G-spot than with the traditional doggy-style position. Your partner’s movements will push forward against your G-spot, and that’s exactly what you want for good stimulation.

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5 ways to keep kids from ruining your sex life

Dr. Laura Berman shares ways to prevent children from spoiling the fun

Kids are a delight, but they can also be problematic when it comes to keeping the spark alive between you and your spouse.

In today’s child-centric society, it can be difficult to find couple time, especially when romance is in order.

Luckily, you can safeguard your relationship from this common problem by following these five simple steps:

1. Embrace separate beds
Unless you are Suzanne Somers, three is not company. This is especially true when you and your husband aren’t able to bond (wink, wink) due to the pitter-patter of little feet that head to your bedroom every night. It might be hard to turn away the kiddies, especially when they are so fun to cuddle with, but don’t forget that cuddling your partner is important, too! More importantly, your children need to learn how to sleep on their own and be independent. Help your children adjust to sleeping on their own by making it a treat — buy special sheets with their favorite cartoon characters, get them a nightlight, and remind them that big kids sleep in their own room. If they’ve been sleeping with you for a while, it’ll be a process to get them out of your bed and into their own, but if you are consistent and don’t give up, they’ll soon make the transition and you’ll get back those stolen moments in bed for you and your partner.

And by the way, put a lock on your bedroom door today! It’s totally OK for your kids to know Mommy and Daddy regularly take “private time” together. Don’t worry about not being there for them if they really need you. That’s what monitors and knocking are for!

2. Distinguish between vacations and family trips and take both
If you have ever had to travel with small children, you know that family trips are not a vacation for parents. While it is wonderful to see your child experience the beach or Disneyland for the first time, it does not give you the mental and physical break you need. So, go ahead and book that trip to Sea World — but remember to budget time and money for adult-only vacations in which you can get away with your spouse solo. Spending time away from your usual roles as parents will give you a chance to reconnect with your sensual side, free of PB&J requests and “Dora the Explorer” reruns!

3. Don’t be a superparent
Limit your children’s after-school activities to just one or two per season. If you run yourself ragged driving your children to every activity under the sun, you won’t have the time or energy for romance or sex. However, remember to take advantage of the time your children spend at after-school activities (or even better, weekend activities when you and your partner are both home) — an empty house means some privacy for you and your partner!

4. Set a united front
When your children try to get a “yes” out of Mommy after Daddy has already said “no,” problems can erupt in the bedroom and beyond. If one or both of you feels as though your opinion has been disregarded, it can be very hard to turn off that frustration and get in the mood. Indeed, you might even end up feeling your own spouse is the enemy! Bypass these discipline problems by agreeing to never go over each other’s head. The house rule should be “If Mommy says no, so does Daddy, and vice versa.” Deciding as a couple how you want to handle discipline ahead of time is also important, not only for presenting a united front to the kids, but for the sake of your connection as well.

5. Write it in stone
Date night is the highlight of many parents’ long weeks, but too often this night gets pushed aside due to little family disturbances. Set your date night in stone, even if little Jimmy really wants to have friends over, or if your baby-sitter threatens to raise her hourly rate. Couples absolutely must have alone time together in which they can talk, bond and be intimate, so date night should only be canceled as a last resort.

With a little bit of teamwork and compromise, you can have it all — a fabulous family life and a loving, passionate relationship. Remember the greatest gift you can give your kids is a model of a loving, intimate relationship. That means setting boundaries for your children and making your partner a priority. Commit to your children, but keep your sex life a priority as well!

Tips for parents with toddlers

Finding time for making love is tough with a toddler in the house, and no one knows that better than veteran parents. That’s why we asked them how they keep the home fires burning. Here are their best tips and tricks (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) for squeezing in some love time.

Saturday morning cartoons can spell fun for you, too
While your child watches the Magic School Bus, you and your partner can take a ride of your own. “Set your child up in front of the television, and away you go to nookie central, at least for ten to 15 minutes,” says Mollee O., a mom in Southern California. Of course this works only if your child is old enough to be left alone safely for a short time.

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