Men who cheat on their spouses have always enjoyed an expedient explanation: Evolution made me do it. Many articles (here is one, and here is another), especially in recent years, have explored the theory that men sleep around because evolution has programmed them to seek fertile (and, conveniently, younger) wombs.

But what about women? If it’s really true that evolution can cause a man to risk his marriage, what effect does that have on women’s sexuality?

A new journal article suggests that evolutionary forces also push women to be more sexual, although in unexpected ways. University of Texas psychologist David Buss wrote the article, which appears in the July issue of Personality and Individual Differences, with the help of three graduate students, Judith Easton (who is listed as lead author), Jaime Confer and Cari Goetz. Buss, Easton and their colleagues found that women in their 30s and early 40s are significantly more sexual than younger women. Women ages 27 through 45 report not only having more sexual fantasies (and more intense sexual fantasies) than women ages 18 through 26 but also having more sex, period. And they are more willing than younger women to have casual sex, even one-night stands. In other words, despite the girls-gone-wild image of promiscuous college women, it is women in their middle years who are America’s most sexually industrious.

By contrast, men’s sexual interest and output, usually measured by a reported number of orgasms per week, peaks in the teen years and then settles to a steady level (an average of three orgasms per week) for most of their lives. As I pointed out in March, most men remain sexually active into their 70s. According to the new study, as well as the study I wrote about in March, women’s sexual ardor declines precipitously after menopause.

Why would women be more sexually active in their middle years than in their teens and 20s? Buss and his students say evolution has encouraged women to be more sexually active as their fertility begins to decline and as menopause approaches.

Here’s how their theory works:

Our female ancestors grew accustomed to watching many of their children — perhaps as many as half — die of various diseases, starvation, warfare and so on before being able to have kids of their own. This trauma left a psychological imprint to bear as many children as possible. Becoming pregnant is much easier for women and girls in their teens and early 20s — so much easier that they need not spend much time having sex.

However, after the mid-20s, the lizard-brain impulse to have more kids faces a stark reality: it’s harder and harder to get pregnant as a woman’s remaining eggs age. And so women in their middle years respond by seeking more and more sex.

To test this theory, Buss and his students asked 827 women to complete questionnaires about their sexual habits. And, indeed, they found that women who had passed their peak fertility years but not quite reached menopause were the most sexually active. This age group — 27 through 45 — reported having significantly more sex than the two other age groups in the study, 18 through 26 and 46 and up. Women in their middle years were also more likely than the younger women to fantasize about someone other than their current partner. The new findings are consistent with those of an earlier Buss paper, from 2002, which found that women in their early 30s feel more lustful and report less abstinence than women in other age groups. In both studies, these findings held true for both partnered and single women, meaning that married women in their 30s and early 40s tend to have more sex than married women in their early 20s; ditto for single women. Also, whether the women were mothers didn’t matter. Only age had a strong affect on women’s reported sexual interest and behavior.

And yet there are a few flaws with the data in the new paper. Chiefly: some three-quarters of the participants in the study were recruited on Craigslist, a website where many go to seek hookups, meaning there was a self-selection problem with the sample. (The other participants were students at the University of Texas in Austin.) The authors also note that there are some alternative explanations for why women in their 30s and early 40s might be more sexual. Many of them may simply be more comfortable with sex than women in their teens and early 20s. Still, that raises the question of why they are more comfortable: perhaps evolution programmed that comfort.

Women More Interested in Sex as They Get Older

A new study suggests that 27 to 45-year-old women think more about sex and have more sex than women in other age groups.

According to conventional wisdom, men have sex on the brain from puberty until, roughly, death. The Kinsey Institute, which uses somewhat more refined measurements, reports 54 percent of men think about sex every day or several times a day. It adds this is true of only 19 percent of women, making for quite a gender gap.

However, new research suggests that for females, the answer to that question may vary considerably depending upon one’s age.

According to a new study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, women’s interest in sex peaks between age 27 and 45. A research team led by psychologist Judith Easton of the University of Texas at Austin concludes this is an unconscious reaction to declining fertility.
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It’s a fact: Sex, or the prospect of having sex, makes you dumb. While the list of benefits goes on for miles (pain relief, more regular menstrual cycles, fewer colds, increase in youth-promoting hormone DHEA, etc.) the pursuit of sex makes you do stupid things.

Ask Tiger Woods or Jesse James, who in response to “What were you thinking . . . ?” will hang their heads, dog-that-got-caught-in-the-trash-like looks on their faces, and in private will bash their heads against the wall wondering, “What was I thinking? I wasn’t.”

Otherwise perfectly sane people will put all their faith that the “other” (or others) will keep their secret and not turn into a psycho bunny boiler. And what do they have to lose? Everything: their family, their reputation, for some, their careers – all for a little bump and grind. Huh? And this happens over and over and over.

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing.’ Just show me somebody naked.” — Jerry Seinfeld

The division we joke about – the brain above and below the belt – holds true to a certain extent, especially for men since more of the male brain is designated for sex. In one of my favorite studies, Canadian researchers showed men pictures of conventionally pretty or not-so-pretty women. The men were told they could receive either $15 the following day or $75 after waiting a few days. The men who saw the picture of the beautiful women were more likely to take the $15, proving, researchers say, that men stop thinking about long-term consequences once the lust chemicals kick in. (The same test was done on women, and it had no effect on their thinking process). Some nice cleavage or legs can cause a man’s limbic system to fire up while his prefontal cortex heads south, leaving the judgment area of the brain not-so-well equipped.

Some ovulating women may be able to sympathize with men in feeling damn dumb, but only a few days out of the month: One study found fertile women more tolerant of one-liners. Another study of “sexual risk-taking behaviors” recorded that ovulating women found high-testosterone men more attractive; however, later in the month they considered more sensitive low-testosterone men to be better partners.

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” — Woody Allen

“Sex Logic” is what I call the bizarre set of unsubstantiated rules that flit through – or dominate —your brain when you are faced with a flirtatious attractive other. Both men and women suffer from this affliction, which, unfortunately, can have far-reaching negative effects. In my opinion, men seem to be able to believe illogical things with unflinching faith (even though it is temporary); while women, on the other hand, it’s almost a cognitive decision to believe these things during the state of arousal, perhaps hoping they’ll be true.

Examples include:

— You are in a strip joint and you convince yourself that the stripper actually likes you. You leave the strip joint (alone), open your empty wallet and think, “Jeez, I am an idiot.” A month later, you’ll do exactly the same thing again.

— You figure you don’t need to use a condom because you probably don’t have any more working sperm — because you’ve ridden a bike without padding, smoked too much marijuana, or are just too old. (And conversely, you’ll believe her when she says she’s pretty sure she can’t get pregnant due to some self-identified medical problem as well).

— You decide that a porn site looks legitimate enough to give your credit card information to (while the small print you are neglecting to read states that their billing cycle is every 15 days and you have to sign up for three months minimum).

In a woman, Sex Logic is the part of her brain that believes a man when he says things like, “I am almost divorced” or “That bump on my member is not an STD, it’s an ingrown hair.”

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” —Robin Williams

Sex Logic is dangerous; it leads to bad judgment. Men and women experience danger in different ways: Men don’t react until it’s imminent while women can look farther into the future. How this affects the cheating rates, and the getting-caught cheating rates is yet to be studied. However, the colloquial notion of “letting one out of the chamber” before going on a date may sound funny, but it’s a good idea. So is making big decisions under the influence of stupid, meaning when lust or the prospect of sex is in the air.

Sex makes you look a fool

Sex is our currency, and if you’re not having it, you’re bankrupt. We tell stories, sell products and humanise politicians (remember the toe-curling naffness of the ‘first kiss’ question at the Tories’ conference?) through sex. In our sexualised society, you are who you bed: you’re straight or gay, promiscuous or virginal, Becks’s new squeeze or Joely Richardson’s new toyboy.

This explains why there’s nothing that gets people so worked up as indifference to sex. Now that ‘asexuality’ has been declared a legitimate sexual orientation by the New Scientist , anyone who admits that they are not turned on by anyone, anywhere, will be dragged kicking and screaming into the light, probed for hang-ups, and interrogated about secret pastimes. Already, producers up and down the country are probably trying to root out candidates for a potential new reality TV show where six or seven C-list celebs sit around the house, smoke, shower, play poker and drink gin and never have sex with one another.
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Ring my bell.

Dial me, baby.

Even when you’re close to home, phone sex can fire things up.

Phone sex has gotten a bad rap. It has sadly been relegated to 900 numbers and the desperately lonely and separated. But it’s time that phone sex was brought back to its rightful glory. It’s a great way to connect with a partner even if you both are in town and live in the very same home.

It might sound crazy, but it makes sense if you think about it. Most of us spend the majority of our days away from our partners. And then when we are back together, it’s after a long, stressful day at work with dinner waiting to be cooked, kids waiting to be bathed and dogs waiting to be walked.

It’s hard to bring the sexy back when that’s what you come back home to every day. That’s where phone sex comes in.

You see, part of the problem with not being able to connect with your partner after a long day is that you have not only been physically separated, but also mentally separated. If you do talk on the phone, it’s likely about who’s going to pick up the dry cleaning or where you should make dinner reservations for the weekend.

But when you’re apart, it’s actually the ideal time to connect. Stay with me now. It can be hard to jump right into “Come on, baby, light my fire” the minute you walk in the door. Even with a partner you adore, it can feel a little scary or silly. But on the phone, freedom reigns. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be talking on the phone; it could be texting, IMing or e-mailing.

But, be aware, e-mail never dies and texts and voice messages have a way of popping back into your life at the least opportune times – ask Tiger Woods or Jesse James. Even if it’s your partner you’re whispering not-so-sweet nothings to, you still don’t want them broadcast to the whole universe – or even just your own family and friends, for that matter.

So … my weapon of choice is the telephone, talking directly to my partner, where the only risk is someone overhearing and there is usually somewhere to be found that’s out of earshot of any nosy neighbors. Now here’s where the fun starts. Phone sex can be anything from, “I can’t wait to get my hands on you tonight” to “Right now, I’m using my tongue to find my way from your knees to your nose.”

You can play out entire scenarios or you can just tease your partner about what’s awaiting him or her at home that night. Entire scenarios can be especially fun when you’re home with total freedom to do and say as you please and your partner is squirming in his or her seat at work just hoping no one can hear the naughty nurse on the line.

“I’ve been a very bad nurse today, baby.”

“Oh really?”

“Uh, huh. I haven’t been paying any attention to my patients today.”

“You haven’t?”

“Nope. I’ve only been paying attention to myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, right now I’m naked in front of the mirror examining my…”

You get the idea. So, while you talk away and maybe even get down to a little “self-service” while you’re at it, all your partner can do is listen and long for you.

If that’s a little much for you, you can simply say, “I miss your mouth” or “Where do you want me to touch you first?” — just to get your partner in the mindset you want him or her in when you’re both together again.

Why bother? Well, that’s easy.

1. Phone sex relieves stress. It can take your mind off things that are doing nothing but driving you crazy and instead put you in a happier – and naughtier – state of mind.

2. Phone sex takes care of the heavy lifting. Sometimes the hardest part about getting down to it is getting started. Dirty little chats throughout the day can give you a great head start.

3. Phone sex brings you closer. Secrets can be bad. But in this case, they are good. Very good. Having a little something that’s just between you and your partner can make you feel like it’s the two of you against the world. Very sexy.

So, whether you opt for the long version…

A flight attendant and a First Class passenger: “Would you like to watch tonight’s film…or me getting out of this silly uniform?”

A waiter and a diner: “Shall I tell you the specials on the menu…or my specialties in the bedroom?”

A lost hiker and a park ranger: “Would you like me to guide you out of the forest…or back to my cabin?”

Or the short version…

“I’m ready.”

. . . It doesn’t matter how cheesy it might sound in your head or out of context, in the moment, phone-based foreplay can start your engines and keep you revving until the race begins.

All you have to do is pick up the phone.

What to Say During Phone Sex

I want to have phone sex with my boyfriend, but I don’t know what to say. All I can think of is “What are you wearing?” and, well, it seems a little trite. Where do I go from there? What should I say during phone sex?

There’s a reason the phrase “what are you wearing?” has become almost a phone sex cliché: It works! It’s sexy for your partner to hear you talk about what you’re doing to yourself, especially if he thinks he inspired it. So tell him exactly what you’re wearing, precisely how it feels to slip off each piece of clothing and every little detail about what else your fingers are doing. Now, it’s not necessary to be one hundred percent accurate about your clothing. Even if you’re wearing sweats, feel free to tell your sweetie that it’s his favorite red lace thong and matching bra. You also don’t have to actually do everything you say you’re doing, but it’s a lot more fun that way.
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Porn shows that making sex is so easy. In real life many of us struggle with some not-so-sexy issues.

Thanks, Hollywood, for making sex look so easy. In real bedrooms, the rest of us must wrangle with some not-so-sexy issues: unsatisfactory erections, untimely ejaculation, pain, low libido, and more. Yet tending to a problem might save not only a relationship but also your life. “Sexual health problems are very often the first sign of underlying serious medical issues,” says Michael Krychman, medical director of sexual medicine at Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian in Newport Beach, Calif. In women, for example, dulled desire may signal thyroid dysfunction or other hormonal troubles; painful sex could even be an early symptom of pelvic cancer. And erectile dysfunction is now recognized as an early whiff of looming cardiovascular disease. “Your problems shouldn’t be ignored,” he says.

Of course, they are ignored, jammed deeply into back corners of brains, denied. Patients and doctors, it’s clear, have trouble talking sex. Many adults would like to discuss sexual problems, research indicates, but don’t—for fear that doctors will dismiss their concerns, or worse. Women appear especially likely to stay mum, says Anita Clayton, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia and coauthor of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy. “Everyone has the right to a satisfying sex life.”

Satisfying sex has been linked to increased longevity, better immunity, better stress-coping abilities, and enhanced connectivity with a partner, says Krychman. So, if you’re sinking, not sailing, between the sheets, help can come in many forms, from sex therapy to various pharmacological options. Most important, if you’re not getting the answers that you’re looking for, “keep seeking,” says Irwin Goldstein, director of sexual medicine at San Diego’s Alvarado Hospital. Your sex life—and health—will thank you. Here are a few places to start:

More Than Just an Erectile Problem

Men, you may not realize it, but you’ve got a canary in your pants. Doctors now recognize that the penis functions as an exquisitely simple gauge for detecting impending heart problems. That’s one reason flagging erections, which affect more than a third of men over the age of 40, should not be ignored. Another: Drugs like Viagra, which celebrated its 10th birthday this year, are just one set—among several—of time-tested treatments.

A decade into the medical revolution that turned erectile dysfunction into a household term, a shift in thinking is afoot. There’s ample evidence that Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis can revitalize a man’s sex life; in trials, Viagra enabled 83 percent of men struggling with ED to have intercourse at least once compared with 45 percent of those taking a placebo. Still, other drugs may be necessary to deal with vascular disease or diabetes, which often accompany ED. And long-impotent men may want to consider options like penile implants because, as vascular disease progresses, the usefulness of Viagra and its kin often wanes.

ED heralds heart trouble because arteries in the penis have about a quarter the diameter of coronary arteries. When plaque builds up, the slender vessels reach the strangling point first—but cardiac problems are often just around the corner. “In many cases, erectile dysfunction is quite literally vascular disease under the belt,” says Randy Fagin, a urologist and director of the Prostate Center of Austin. Symptoms often occur three to four years before cardiac problems, such as chest pain or heart attack, begin to crop up, says Robert Kloner, a cardiologist at the University of Southern California. New guidelines in 2006 advised physicians to consider a man with erectile dysfunction and no cardiac symptoms a cardiac patient until proved otherwise.

In addition to any treatment they may need for vascular disease or diabetes, men have options for fixing ED. Eating better and exercising regularly can not only stave off plaque buildup in arteries but reverse it, research has shown. A 2004 study of obese men with erectile dysfunction found, for example, that erectile function improved in a third of men who adopted healthful behaviors and lost about 30 pounds.

Among medical options, doctors say, one of the best is to inject a medication such as alprostadil into the base or side of the penis. A quick, relatively painless shot, which can produce an erection within 10 minutes, costs about twice as much as a dose of an oral ED drug.

Other ED fixes are made to last. Vacuum pumps put negative pressure on the penis, creating an erection that can be maintained for about 30 minutes by placing an elastic band around its base. Studies report success rates of 70 to 94 percent with the devices, but side effects can include pain, numbness, bruising, and obstructed ejaculation. Surgical implants are pricier but have upsides. Men can inflate the implants at will, using a pump placed in the scrotum. Satisfaction rates are high.

Yet despite the availability of solutions, many harried doctors are not as aggressive as they could be about sleuthing out sexual problems. That puts the burden of speaking up on men.

Pacing Performance

Is premature ejaculation the most common form of male sexual dysfunction? The answer is debated, but one thing is clear: For men who have the problem, it can be a showstopper. “I see young guys who simply cannot establish a relationship with a woman because of this,” says Ira Sharlip, a spokesperson for the American Urological Association.

The past few years have brought a surge of interest from pharmaceutical researchers aiming to relieve the problem with a pill. So far, no medication has been approved for the purpose; the Food and Drug Administration turned down a drug called dapoxetine in 2005. Yet doctors can and often do prescribe drugs that are approved for other conditions, such as the antidepressants paroxetine (Paxil) and fluoxetine (Prozac), which have been shown to lengthen intercourse by a few minutes. Potential downsides, experts say, include diminished intensity of a man’s orgasm and libido and a hampered ability to maintain an erection.

Creams and gels that numb the sensitivity of the penis are another option. They usually contain lidocaine or prilocaine. Studies have shown them to be effective, but some couples find them difficult to use. They generally involve a messy application within a condom and can numb a partner.

A man’s mind-set can play a role. “It’s pretty unusual to see premature ejaculation without some degree of psychological component,” says Fagin, the Prostate Center of Austin urologist. Therapists can work with men to address anxiety, stress, guilt, and depression—and can impart techniques like the “stop and go” method or the “squeeze” method to help men slow down. Honest partner-to-partner communication is also critical, says Barry McCarthy, coauthor of Coping With Premature Ejaculation. For example, he says, some women simply can’t achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration, yet a partner might blame himself unless the couple discusses how the woman can reach a climax.

More often than not, the only real problem may be outsize hopes. In various surveys, between 20 and 40 percent of men complain about the short duration of intercourse. But fewer than 5 percent have a sustained disorder in which they consistently ejaculate in a minute or less, estimates Marcel Waldinger, associate professor in sexual psychopharmacology at the Hague Leyenburg Hospital in the Netherlands.

“Nobody really knows how long is normal. It’s very subjective,” says Martin Miner, a clinical assistant professor of family medicine at Brown University Medical School. In a March survey, sex therapists typically said satisfactory intercourse should last three to 13 minutes. That’s a far cry from the 30-plus minutes that many men say they want.

Overcoming an Anticlimax

It begins as a swelling of excitement and tension. Then, it’s like falling off a cliff. That’s how Linda Banner, 59, describes an orgasm, the deli-cious sensation that she couldn’t experience for the first decade of her sex life.
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Here I sit in beautiful Southern California, land of the hybrid cars, cloth bags for groceries and recycled water bottles. So I knew it was only a matter of time before the collective consciousness started turning its attention towards the bedroom and people sought to become more environmentally friendly while being REALLY friendly with themselves.

No, I’m not talking about recycling condoms. Get your mind out of the gutter. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth just thinking it. I’m talking about sex toys and other sexcessories that are not only good for you down under but good for the whole planet.

Now I know some of you will think, “Fantastic! Where do I sign up?” But so many others will think, Oh brother, how lame can you get?”

Hey, I get it. I’m not saying environmentally aware sex toys are for everyone. Some people could care less about the so-called GREEN products and think those who do are a bunch of tree huggin’, sprout-eating humpers. That may be true. And that’s cool. You go enjoy your Hummers (The four wheel kind) and aerosol spray while leaving all the lights on. I’m not here to judge.

But for the growing number of people out there who are becoming more and more concerned with the stuff we eat / wear / inhale / stick in our private places, ask yourself this:

Why play green?

In one word: Phthalates.

What the hell are Phthalates, you ask? I wondered the same thing. Am I eating them, breathing them, wearing them?

If you answered, D) All of the above, you’d be pretty spot on.

Phthalates (pronounced FAY-lates) are these oil-derived chemicals that have been used in paints, in hair sprays, perfumes and plenty of other products. They are also used to soften plastics such as dildos, vibrators and ahem, butt plugs. And not just the grown-up toys, as children’s toys have used this chemical as well.

These phthalates have been found to allegedly pose a risk to human health and the environment. How much, no one knows for sure because there’s no human testing to see what, if any, is the permanent damage. But scientists have found that phthalates get absorbed into our bodies. So Europe banned the chemical from children’s toys permanently.

Plus GREENPEACE, (yes, THE Greenpeace) issued a TOXIC SEX TOY WARNING … (I swear I can’t make this stuff up. How hilarious and tragic is that at the same time?)

The organization warned NOT to shove the “Spectra Gel Anal Plug” or the “Crystal Jelly Double Dong” where the sun does not shine, if you get my drift.

So I figure, if it’s a health risk to the kiddies, then it could be a health risk to my kitty.

And THAT is no bueno.

So what are frisky men and women to do?

Have no fear. Sex toy manufacturers and retailers to the rescue!

Companies like the Sweden based Lelo and Lodon based CoCo de Mer make all their sex toys with glass, jade or medical-grade silicone, making their darlings toxin-free. Other mega retailers like San Francisco based Good Vibrations are phasing out their products with phthalates and suggest using a condom over your favorite “friends” if you have any concerns.

Because apparently, a lot of you DO have concerns.

Cleo, the owner who runs the online women’s sensuality store, Cleosboutique.com, has noticed a change in what her clients want.

“Women are very conscious of their bodies, and with almost all aspects, want to know what’s in all the products they use, from makeup to sexual stimulants. It was important that we supply products that our customers feel are safe, which is why we keep a variety of eco-friendly toys on the website.”

I guess we’re entering an era of Even Safer Sex. Safe sex with yourself.

But the good news is if ever I need a reason to play with toys, I can always remind myself, “I’m doin’ it for the polar bears.”

Sex Toy Materials

What’s my toy made of, anyway?

There are several basic types of materials found in sex toys:

Silicone
VixSkin Silicone
Silicone/Rubber Mixes
Elastomer
Jelly Rubber and Phthalates
Soft Vinyl
Hard Materials (hard plastics, acrylics, Lucite, glass, metal, ceramic)
TPR (Thermo plastic rubber)
TPE (Thermo plastic elastomer)

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As I’m sure you’re well aware, there are many good reasons to have sex. In fact, sometimes you don’t need any reason at all — other than, say, loving your partner.

However, sometimes a lady finds herself doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. That’s what we’re here to cover. So if you find yourself in any of the following situations, please extricate yourself as quickly as possible:

Revenge: The most popular very-wrong reason to have sex, revenge sex never ends well.

Hooking up with his best friend because you’re angry at your boyfriend will get you nowhere. If you do manage to break up their friendship, then you’re stuck with an untrustworthy dude (if he did it to him, he’ll do it to you).

Even worse, there’s always the (strong) possibility that he went right back and told his buddy and the two of them are now comparing notes over high-fives and hot wings.

Ego gratification: You must be fine if that scorching hot bartender took you home. Or not. Men have been known to do some unsavory things for physical gratification. The fact that he’s willing and able doesn’t say squat about your appeal.

Appliance envy: Your roommate “doesn’t believe” in air conditioning. You can’t afford premium cable and are addicted to “Weeds.” You’re desperate to try out Wii Fit. All of these desires are perfectly rational.

However, they are absolutely not worth the price of waking up next to someone you otherwise cannot stand. (Well, except for the AC, but that’s only if it’s above 100 Fahrenheit.)

Weight loss: Yes, you may have read those women’s magazine articles about how being physically intimate can help you shed pounds. However, a 120-pound woman burns only 57 calories during 15 minutes of sex. That’s less than half a Hostess Ho-Ho. The sweat could do nice things for your skin, but your waist will remain the same size.
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A diminished sex drive may be linked with chronic oxygen deprivation in patients of obstructive sleep apnea, especially during episodes of obstructed breathing.

University of Louisville researchers found that after a week of being subjected to chronic oxygen deprivation (CIH), mice showed a 55% decline in their daily spontaneous erections. After five weeks of such exposure, average interval between mounting a mate increased 60-fold.

The study examined the behavioural and physiological effects in mice exposed to CIH for anywhere from five to 24 weeks. Control mice were kept under identical conditions, but were not subjected to nocturnal CIH.

In five out of seven mice tested, ejaculation did not occur at all, whereas in control mice the median time was only a few minutes, said Gozal.

The Simple Secret for More Sex

When women are rushed, sleep suffers — and so does your sex life

A recent survey of American women confirmed what most women already knew (and men suspected): They’re so rushed during the day that they don’t get enough sleep, and that means less sex for everyone. According to the National Sleep Foundation, women who are short on time first cut back on sleep and exercise. Next to suffer cutbacks: social life, healthy eating…and sex.

“This is the largest survey in the U.S. of women in all stages of their life,” says Dr. Meir Kryger, director of research and education of Sleep Medicine at Gaylord Hospital in Wallingford, CT. “It’s one of the first to take into account both biology and lifestyle.

“If poor sleep patterns are a daily occurrence for women, it severely impacts their energy towards sex in the bedroom — which is going to then affect men. It’s all interconnected, and recognizing the problem will help any relationship.”

Does this explain the “I’m too tired” excuse?

Clearly some women and men do say “I’m too tired” when they mean “I don’t want to”, “I’m too stressed”, “I have other things on my mind”, or “I’m annoyed with you”. What it means probably depends on the person. Often it is a way of getting out of sex without a confrontation — she could just be mad that you came home late and didn’t call or didn’t empty the dishwasher.

But the take-home message from this study should be that women (and likely men) are not getting enough sleep, bottom line, and that there are ways men and women, as partners, can improve this. Sleep has a very important effect — including having enough energy for sex as well as sexual performance, meaning orgasms for women and men, and erections for men.

Guys can always find time for sex. Why not women?

Men do not always budget time for sex, either; they may say that, but research shows that they don’t. Fatigue is a common reason that both men and women opt out of sex. Many people who deal with fatigue instead try to have sex in the morning when they may be less tired, if they tend to get more tired in the afternoon or evening. This may be a good solution for some men and their partners, too.

If more sleep equals more sex, what can men do to help women get more rest?

We know from years of research that even when couples start out in “equal” relationships, they tend over time to settle into more traditional roles, with women taking on more home and family tasks like homework, cooking, and cleaning, while men serve as breadwinners. Men may be able to ease their wife or girlfriend’s burden — and help her get more sleep — if they work with their partner to make the last few hours of the day more peaceful.

Here are some ideas:
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It’s the threesome of foreplay — only there’s no touching involved. Every now and then, a couple will steal away to a night club for a few hours of arousal. In a few situations, it’s a festive Chippendales venue; but in most cases, it’s a dimly-lit, somber, reserved experience with all eyes on the women.

Whether it’s a seedy hole in the wall or a high-class venue, scantily-clad women suggesting triple-X action is the theme of the show. Relegated as a male “pastime,” this world of table and lap dances is seen as his escape.

So when his partner is willing to get in on the act, eyebrows are raised.

Why in the world would any “respectable” woman want to go to a strip club? Such old-fashioned speculation comes swiftly, but is easily met with the fact that times have changed.

Plenty of women are all for a good striptease. In recent years, we’ve seen mothers and wives from coast to coast take to pole dancing, whether for exercise or to spice up their sex lives.

For those not into this type of naughty, the appeal is hard to fathom. What exactly is the draw of this pleasure pursuit as a pair?

Couples are going to strip clubs because

:

1. There’s no work involved.

Foreplay becomes a breeze even before you take your seat. Lovers often find themselves sexually excited at the mere prospect of going to a strip club. Yet this arousal goes far beyond pre-game show titillations, with lovers already anticipating what will happen once they get back home.

2. It’s a bonding experience.

Sure, strip clubs don’t exactly bring on the warm fuzzies, but they raise the temperature in other ways. Lovers enjoy “sharing” the stripper, but staying focused on their union by touching and flirting with each other. This sex worker becomes a mutual object of desire that can have partners feeling closer, sexually speaking.

3. They like the power dynamic.

It’s not PC to admit it, but some couples like that they’re the paying customer. Consciously or not, they’re into the sense that when they give the dancer money, they get to “own” her to some degree. The room full of naked gals is all about their pleasuring and nothing else.

4. The experience can make them feel sexier.

By identifying with the stripper’s sexuality or desiring it, lovers can feel more wanton in the process. In other cases, where a stripper looks particularly haggard, a woman may come away from the experience feeling confirmed (and relieved) that she’s more attractive than the gal on stage. After all, the slight jealousy that can be fueled by the experience acts as inspiration to outdo the stripper at some point.

5. It’s fun.

Going to strip clubs allows for novel experiences and variety, sometimes inspiring moves for bedroom action.

6. It’s so bad that it’s good.

Despite its popularity, the experience of going to a strip club is still very taboo in nature. Couples thrive off of doing the unconventional and feeling more than a bit naughty. This includes the turn-on of seeing a partner flirt with a stripper or vice versa.

7. It invites sex and only sex.

Going to a strip club can be the excuse couples need for not being emotionally intimate from time to time. It keeps the action at home more sex-focused and can act as a safety valve for those who cannot or don’t want to connect with their partner.

8. It’s safe.

Health-wise, going to a strip club invites some of the tag team experience without presenting the sexual health risks involved. Couples don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases, yet they can still relish the third-party effects.

9. It puts a woman’s mind at ease.

Even if they don’t like watching their men get turned on, some women would rather know what their partners are doing than be left wondering. Accompanying him to a strip club makes her feel like she’s more on top of his sexual liaisons.

Going to a strip club isn’t for every couple. If it goes against your values or invites sexual jealousy, then definitely stay away. But if your relationship can handle such experimentation, be sure to discuss ahead of time what is and isn’t allowed.

Is it okay to get a lap dance? What’s considered cheating? How will you handle amateur night?

Remember, flexibility is key, as the rules may need to change once you’re inside. Seeing strip club fantasies become reality can be difficult for some. It may tap insecurities for some, while the sight of often sad, blank-faced strippers evokes pity from others.

If your partner looks uncomfortable or wants to go, don’t make a big issue over it. Just be sure to tell — and later show — your lover that, at the end of the night, they’re always the star of the show.

…or If you prefer to have some striptease at home

Striptease tips:

The traditional striptease is not for everyone: some consider it the ultimate display of female sexual power, reducing male viewers to quivering bowls of jelly, while others find it embarrassing or even demeaning. One thing’s for sure: many a man truly enjoys the visual, so an erotic dance can be a generous gift. This is not to suggest that the ladies don’t like to look too. Or that a striptease can’t be a joint effort or a male endeavor — we think it should be, and often. Therefore a woman should feel free to tell her fella, “You first” or “Now your turn!” But for the sake of simplicity, the following tips are written assuming the lady in the relationship wants to be the first to perform. By the way, don’t think you need the body of a model or stripper to dance suggestively for your partner. He’ll be focused on the show, not on your so-called imperfections. You go-go girl! (Just please don’t install a pole in your bedroom.)

• Rent 9 1/2 Weeks to learn from Kim Basinger’s striptease: the outfit, the moves, the music, the shy-cheeky-sexy attitude (just ignore the disturbing plot line).
• Dance to a song that you’ll both enjoy — you should feel sexy moving to it, but he shouldn’t be thinking, “I can’t believe she’s still into boy bands.”
• Wear a shirt with buttons: it automatically creates 10 extra moves! Play peek-a-boob with each side. Once it’s undone, turn your back on him and shimmy it off your shoulders before dropping it to the floor. Oh, and don’t wear tight pants or jeans. Because if you can look sexy while you take those off, then you can quit your day job. Instead, wear a pencil skirt that you can push down (while bending forward with your back or side to him) and then step out of. Throw clothes in his direction as you remove them.

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A surprising new study reveals that casual sex may not cause emotional or psychological damage.

Despite the pervasive belief that hooking up casually is detrimental to the well-being of young adults, researchers found that not to be the case in a recent study, reports the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

The study asked 1,311 Minnesota-based young adults, between the ages of 18 and 24, about their most recent sexual experiences, their self-esteem and their general well-being after the experience.

Only one-fifth of the subjects said their most recent experience was casual. And overall, their emotional status wasn’t any different from those who said their last sexual experience was with a committed partner.

“We were so surprised,” said Marla Eisenberg, who is an assistant professor at the university School of Public Health.

“The conventional wisdom is that casual sex, ‘friends with benefits,’ and hooking up is hurtful. That’s what we’ve been teaching kids for decades,” she said, adding that abstinence-only sex education programs in particular enforce this notion.

However, researchers said that this doesn’t mean casual sex is for everyone - and Eisenberg is quick to warn of the physical consequences of casual sex. Rates of sexually transmitted diseases continue to increase and teen pregnancy rates in Minnesota in particular are also on the rise, according to the Star Tribune.

Casual Sex Doesn’t Cause Emotional Damage

No additional risk seen for those in uncommitted relationships

Young adults who have casual sex are no more likely than those in committed relationships to experience psychological problems, new research has found.

In the study, University of Minnesota researchers analyzed the responses of 737 females and 574 males, mean age 20.5, who were asked about their sexual behaviors and emotional well-being. Among those who were sexually active, 55 percent said their last sexual partner was an exclusive dating partner. An additional 25 percent said they were engaged to, or a spouse or life partner of their last sexual partner. Another 12 percent said it was a close but not exclusive partner, and 8 percent said it was a casual acquaintance.

More than twice as many males as females said their last sexual partner was a casual acquaintance or a close but not exclusive partner, the study authors noted.

In this study to determine if sexual activity outside a committed relationship causes emotional damage to young people, the researchers found no differences in the mental well-being of participants who had a casual partner or a committed partner.
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You had sex last night – or did you? This depends on whom you ask, as well as what you stand to gain, or lose, by calling it sex. With so many people having their own definitions of what it means to “have sex,” what types of sexual experiences make the cut?

People do not share the same clear, unbiased definition of what constitutes sex. This was exemplified when former President Bill Clinton explained his relationship with Monica Lewinsky as one where: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” This statement launched a fury of discourse around what it really means to have sex.

Yet there are plenty of others scenarios that beg equal scrutinizing. Here are just a few…

1. The extramarital affair where no more than oral sex is exchanged.
2. Intimacy where only sex toys are used for pleasuring.
3. A person exchanging sexual thoughts with a stranger online.

Would you say any of these persons had “sex?”

While probing such matters, research conducted by the Kinsey Institute in 1999 found that 99.5 percent of respondents regarded intercourse as sex, while only 40 percent believed oral sex to be sex.

Research efforts since then, largely involving respondents reacting to a list of sexual behaviors and labeling them as sex or not, have found similar assessments in the U.S., Canada, Australia and the U.K. Very few respondents regard kissing as sex.

Taking a deeper look at how people define sex, a 2007 study at the University of Kansas asked 51 women and 49 men to rate experiences as “almost but not quite sex” or “just barely sex.” As expected, there was a great deal of ambiguity in the participants’ definitions of sex.

What threw academics for a loop was the fact that even when participants were able to define sex, their definition was inconsistent with their own descriptions of whether their own behavior classified as “sex” or not. Basically, an individual’s definition changed based on the consequences involved in using the label “sex” and their perceptions of the sexual exchange.

Consider that one survey respondent described a scenario where she and her partner engaged in breast play and oral sex. Intercourse was attempted, but stopped because it hurt. Despite recognizing that she had engaged in intercourse, she reported being unsure if she’d ever had sex and still considered herself a virgin.

So what are some of the criteria that impact what constitutes sex for an individual? The body of research has highlighted a number of factors that play into the assessment, including:

1. The Journal of Sex Research found that people are likelier to count an encounter as sex if it resulted in orgasm.
2. Oral sex is likelier to be labeled sex by the recipient than by the giver.
3. Study participants at the University of Kansas admitted that labeling an interaction as sex can depend on what they were thinking about or who they were discussing the matter with. Sexologists also see technology, the media, and laws as all further influencing what gets labeled as sex.
4. Was there consent or alcohol involved? Individuals may be less willing to label an act as sex if they were intoxicated or unable to agree to relations.
5. Sexual orientation often plays a role. A person who identifies as lesbian, for example, may not consider an intimate exchange with a male as sex because the behavior is inconsistent with her sexual orientation.
6. Seeing an experience as sex or not can have a lot to do with whom you’re trying to please. As highlighted in an episode of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” if you don’t believe that oral sex is sex, then everyone wins.

Ultimately, what defines sex for an individual may boil down to the costs versus benefits of labeling it. The University of Kansas study highlighted the fact that people adjust their definition from one situation to the next. Their motivation for this is to realize a positive result and advance their own particular interests.

Those who don’t want to label an experience as sex are often doing so to avoid negative self-evaluations. For women, this may include the desire to see themselves as virgins. For men, this may be due to not wanting to have sex with the wrong person or harm a friendship.
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