It’s the threesome of foreplay — only there’s no touching involved. Every now and then, a couple will steal away to a night club for a few hours of arousal. In a few situations, it’s a festive Chippendales venue; but in most cases, it’s a dimly-lit, somber, reserved experience with all eyes on the women.

Whether it’s a seedy hole in the wall or a high-class venue, scantily-clad women suggesting triple-X action is the theme of the show. Relegated as a male “pastime,” this world of table and lap dances is seen as his escape.

So when his partner is willing to get in on the act, eyebrows are raised.

Why in the world would any “respectable” woman want to go to a strip club? Such old-fashioned speculation comes swiftly, but is easily met with the fact that times have changed.

Plenty of women are all for a good striptease. In recent years, we’ve seen mothers and wives from coast to coast take to pole dancing, whether for exercise or to spice up their sex lives.

For those not into this type of naughty, the appeal is hard to fathom. What exactly is the draw of this pleasure pursuit as a pair?

Couples are going to strip clubs because

:

1. There’s no work involved.

Foreplay becomes a breeze even before you take your seat. Lovers often find themselves sexually excited at the mere prospect of going to a strip club. Yet this arousal goes far beyond pre-game show titillations, with lovers already anticipating what will happen once they get back home.

2. It’s a bonding experience.

Sure, strip clubs don’t exactly bring on the warm fuzzies, but they raise the temperature in other ways. Lovers enjoy “sharing” the stripper, but staying focused on their union by touching and flirting with each other. This sex worker becomes a mutual object of desire that can have partners feeling closer, sexually speaking.

3. They like the power dynamic.

It’s not PC to admit it, but some couples like that they’re the paying customer. Consciously or not, they’re into the sense that when they give the dancer money, they get to “own” her to some degree. The room full of naked gals is all about their pleasuring and nothing else.

4. The experience can make them feel sexier.

By identifying with the stripper’s sexuality or desiring it, lovers can feel more wanton in the process. In other cases, where a stripper looks particularly haggard, a woman may come away from the experience feeling confirmed (and relieved) that she’s more attractive than the gal on stage. After all, the slight jealousy that can be fueled by the experience acts as inspiration to outdo the stripper at some point.

5. It’s fun.

Going to strip clubs allows for novel experiences and variety, sometimes inspiring moves for bedroom action.

6. It’s so bad that it’s good.

Despite its popularity, the experience of going to a strip club is still very taboo in nature. Couples thrive off of doing the unconventional and feeling more than a bit naughty. This includes the turn-on of seeing a partner flirt with a stripper or vice versa.

7. It invites sex and only sex.

Going to a strip club can be the excuse couples need for not being emotionally intimate from time to time. It keeps the action at home more sex-focused and can act as a safety valve for those who cannot or don’t want to connect with their partner.

8. It’s safe.

Health-wise, going to a strip club invites some of the tag team experience without presenting the sexual health risks involved. Couples don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases, yet they can still relish the third-party effects.

9. It puts a woman’s mind at ease.

Even if they don’t like watching their men get turned on, some women would rather know what their partners are doing than be left wondering. Accompanying him to a strip club makes her feel like she’s more on top of his sexual liaisons.

Going to a strip club isn’t for every couple. If it goes against your values or invites sexual jealousy, then definitely stay away. But if your relationship can handle such experimentation, be sure to discuss ahead of time what is and isn’t allowed.

Is it okay to get a lap dance? What’s considered cheating? How will you handle amateur night?

Remember, flexibility is key, as the rules may need to change once you’re inside. Seeing strip club fantasies become reality can be difficult for some. It may tap insecurities for some, while the sight of often sad, blank-faced strippers evokes pity from others.

If your partner looks uncomfortable or wants to go, don’t make a big issue over it. Just be sure to tell — and later show — your lover that, at the end of the night, they’re always the star of the show.

…or If you prefer to have some striptease at home

Striptease tips:

The traditional striptease is not for everyone: some consider it the ultimate display of female sexual power, reducing male viewers to quivering bowls of jelly, while others find it embarrassing or even demeaning. One thing’s for sure: many a man truly enjoys the visual, so an erotic dance can be a generous gift. This is not to suggest that the ladies don’t like to look too. Or that a striptease can’t be a joint effort or a male endeavor — we think it should be, and often. Therefore a woman should feel free to tell her fella, “You first” or “Now your turn!” But for the sake of simplicity, the following tips are written assuming the lady in the relationship wants to be the first to perform. By the way, don’t think you need the body of a model or stripper to dance suggestively for your partner. He’ll be focused on the show, not on your so-called imperfections. You go-go girl! (Just please don’t install a pole in your bedroom.)

• Rent 9 1/2 Weeks to learn from Kim Basinger’s striptease: the outfit, the moves, the music, the shy-cheeky-sexy attitude (just ignore the disturbing plot line).
• Dance to a song that you’ll both enjoy — you should feel sexy moving to it, but he shouldn’t be thinking, “I can’t believe she’s still into boy bands.”
• Wear a shirt with buttons: it automatically creates 10 extra moves! Play peek-a-boob with each side. Once it’s undone, turn your back on him and shimmy it off your shoulders before dropping it to the floor. Oh, and don’t wear tight pants or jeans. Because if you can look sexy while you take those off, then you can quit your day job. Instead, wear a pencil skirt that you can push down (while bending forward with your back or side to him) and then step out of. Throw clothes in his direction as you remove them.

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A surprising new study reveals that casual sex may not cause emotional or psychological damage.

Despite the pervasive belief that hooking up casually is detrimental to the well-being of young adults, researchers found that not to be the case in a recent study, reports the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

The study asked 1,311 Minnesota-based young adults, between the ages of 18 and 24, about their most recent sexual experiences, their self-esteem and their general well-being after the experience.

Only one-fifth of the subjects said their most recent experience was casual. And overall, their emotional status wasn’t any different from those who said their last sexual experience was with a committed partner.

“We were so surprised,” said Marla Eisenberg, who is an assistant professor at the university School of Public Health.

“The conventional wisdom is that casual sex, ‘friends with benefits,’ and hooking up is hurtful. That’s what we’ve been teaching kids for decades,” she said, adding that abstinence-only sex education programs in particular enforce this notion.

However, researchers said that this doesn’t mean casual sex is for everyone - and Eisenberg is quick to warn of the physical consequences of casual sex. Rates of sexually transmitted diseases continue to increase and teen pregnancy rates in Minnesota in particular are also on the rise, according to the Star Tribune.

Casual Sex Doesn’t Cause Emotional Damage

No additional risk seen for those in uncommitted relationships

Young adults who have casual sex are no more likely than those in committed relationships to experience psychological problems, new research has found.

In the study, University of Minnesota researchers analyzed the responses of 737 females and 574 males, mean age 20.5, who were asked about their sexual behaviors and emotional well-being. Among those who were sexually active, 55 percent said their last sexual partner was an exclusive dating partner. An additional 25 percent said they were engaged to, or a spouse or life partner of their last sexual partner. Another 12 percent said it was a close but not exclusive partner, and 8 percent said it was a casual acquaintance.

More than twice as many males as females said their last sexual partner was a casual acquaintance or a close but not exclusive partner, the study authors noted.

In this study to determine if sexual activity outside a committed relationship causes emotional damage to young people, the researchers found no differences in the mental well-being of participants who had a casual partner or a committed partner.
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You had sex last night – or did you? This depends on whom you ask, as well as what you stand to gain, or lose, by calling it sex. With so many people having their own definitions of what it means to “have sex,” what types of sexual experiences make the cut?

People do not share the same clear, unbiased definition of what constitutes sex. This was exemplified when former President Bill Clinton explained his relationship with Monica Lewinsky as one where: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” This statement launched a fury of discourse around what it really means to have sex.

Yet there are plenty of others scenarios that beg equal scrutinizing. Here are just a few…

1. The extramarital affair where no more than oral sex is exchanged.
2. Intimacy where only sex toys are used for pleasuring.
3. A person exchanging sexual thoughts with a stranger online.

Would you say any of these persons had “sex?”

While probing such matters, research conducted by the Kinsey Institute in 1999 found that 99.5 percent of respondents regarded intercourse as sex, while only 40 percent believed oral sex to be sex.

Research efforts since then, largely involving respondents reacting to a list of sexual behaviors and labeling them as sex or not, have found similar assessments in the U.S., Canada, Australia and the U.K. Very few respondents regard kissing as sex.

Taking a deeper look at how people define sex, a 2007 study at the University of Kansas asked 51 women and 49 men to rate experiences as “almost but not quite sex” or “just barely sex.” As expected, there was a great deal of ambiguity in the participants’ definitions of sex.

What threw academics for a loop was the fact that even when participants were able to define sex, their definition was inconsistent with their own descriptions of whether their own behavior classified as “sex” or not. Basically, an individual’s definition changed based on the consequences involved in using the label “sex” and their perceptions of the sexual exchange.

Consider that one survey respondent described a scenario where she and her partner engaged in breast play and oral sex. Intercourse was attempted, but stopped because it hurt. Despite recognizing that she had engaged in intercourse, she reported being unsure if she’d ever had sex and still considered herself a virgin.

So what are some of the criteria that impact what constitutes sex for an individual? The body of research has highlighted a number of factors that play into the assessment, including:

1. The Journal of Sex Research found that people are likelier to count an encounter as sex if it resulted in orgasm.
2. Oral sex is likelier to be labeled sex by the recipient than by the giver.
3. Study participants at the University of Kansas admitted that labeling an interaction as sex can depend on what they were thinking about or who they were discussing the matter with. Sexologists also see technology, the media, and laws as all further influencing what gets labeled as sex.
4. Was there consent or alcohol involved? Individuals may be less willing to label an act as sex if they were intoxicated or unable to agree to relations.
5. Sexual orientation often plays a role. A person who identifies as lesbian, for example, may not consider an intimate exchange with a male as sex because the behavior is inconsistent with her sexual orientation.
6. Seeing an experience as sex or not can have a lot to do with whom you’re trying to please. As highlighted in an episode of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” if you don’t believe that oral sex is sex, then everyone wins.

Ultimately, what defines sex for an individual may boil down to the costs versus benefits of labeling it. The University of Kansas study highlighted the fact that people adjust their definition from one situation to the next. Their motivation for this is to realize a positive result and advance their own particular interests.

Those who don’t want to label an experience as sex are often doing so to avoid negative self-evaluations. For women, this may include the desire to see themselves as virgins. For men, this may be due to not wanting to have sex with the wrong person or harm a friendship.
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You just had the most incredible sex of your life. Only you can’t remember it. Sounds like a sick joke, but forgetting the absolutely unforgettable is a real occurrence.

Lovers have been known to blank out on entire sexual experiences, having no recollection of the event or their orgasmic responses.

What exactly is this phenomenon? And could it ever happen to you?

Sexual amnesia can happen to anyone, and most unexpectedly. Did you and your lover really have sex this morning or is your sweetie pulling your leg? Why do you have no recollection of that night of passion? What exactly happened with the hottie you brought home last night?

In many of these baffling cases, alcohol or drugs aren’t to blame. But you can point the finger at another culprit. Well-described in medical literature since 1956, transient global amnesia (TGA) is known as “recurrent coital amnesia” when it is triggered by sex. During such sudden, temporary memory loss, a person’s ability to recall recent events and new information totally disappears.

Suddenly, you can’t remember where you are or how you got there. You do know who you are, and can recognize and name the familiar, including your sexual partner (unless you just met). You just can’t remember what happened during this memory impairment and possibly anything that happened several hours before its onset.

So what brought on this state? Surprisingly, this rare, short-lived phenomenon isn’t due to a neurological condition, like epilepsy or stroke, or recent head injury. Instead, TGA is typically traced to a stressful emotional or physical event. These include:

— Hard physical exertion;

— Sudden cold or hot water immersion;

— Overwhelming emotional distress from bad news, conflict or working too hard;

— Medical procedures, like an endoscopy (a minimally invasive medical procedure);

— Sexual intercourse.

With sex in particular, TGA is typically triggered after climax. Medical practitioners have also noticed that using the Valsalva method — a discouraged sex move involving squeezing the pelvic floor muscles while pressing down, as though having a bowel movement — precedes TGA in some males.

Sex-related or not, one thing all of these factors have in common is a sudden lack of blood flow to the brain. Brain scans indicate that blood flow to areas of the brain involving memory appears disrupted during TGA. And any time blood flow is restricted to the brain, a person’s ability to record new memory is severely impaired.

Because it cannot be distinguished from other life-threatening conditions, immediate medical attention needs to be sought when TGA strikes during or after intercourse. Dead giveaways that something is wrong include babbling, apparent confusion and repeatedly asking questions about ongoing events like “What are we doing?” or “What time of year is it?”

When asked by their partner or later by a doctor, they’re unable to correctly answer questions like “Who is the president?” or “What year is it?” Equally perplexing, however, is the fact that one’s vocabulary and movement are not impaired. There is no clouded consciousness.

Other symptoms may include headache, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, agitation, dizziness, chills, fear of dying, “pins-and-needles” sensation, trembling, sweating, visual disturbance, racing heartbeat, cold hands and feet, and great emotionality.

TGA episodes last an average of six hours (going for no more than 24 hours), with one’s memory returning gradually. Thankfully, all indicators are that a person’s memory is OK afterward, and the TGA has apparently done no damage. One’s immediate recall ability appears to be preserved.

TGA is equal opportunity when it comes to sex and race, but those over 49 are at higher risk of experiencing this sudden memory loss. Physical events tend to precipitate TGA in men, while emotional events, a history of anxiety, or pathological personality are more associated with women.

While the underlying cause is unknown, a history of migraines is a prime suspect for any individual. Experiences with migraines or coital headaches (sex headaches) have been linked to some who experience TGA.

Overall, incidence in the U.S. is 5.2 cases per 100,000 individuals. Interestingly, this is higher than incidence estimates in Alcoi, Spain, which is at 2.9 cases per 100,000, but lower than the 10 cases per 100,000 in Belluno, Italy. While the annual recurrence is low, over one’s lifetime, recurrence can be as high as 24 percent, which may work to your advantage.

After all, almost any lover is open to a good excuse when it comes to rationalizing having done anything regrettable. TGA may just be the perfect fib for that unfortunate time you forget your partner’s birthday, anniversary or seemingly most amazing sex session.

Amnesia After Sex

If President Clinton had known what a pair of Johns Hopkins doctors recently learned from two patients with a temporary form of amnesia, charges that he lied about sex might be moot.

Chi Van Dang, M.D., Ph.D., and Lawrence B. Gardner, M.D., hematologists, found that bearing down hard the way some people do when they move their bowels, deliver a baby or have sexual intercourse can produce six to 12 hours of transient global amnesia — the inability to form new memories.

Reporting in this week’s issue of The Lancet, the Hopkins team reports global amnesia in two men, ages 72 and 75, whose wives took them to the hospital half an hour or so after sex when the men became seriously confused although remaining fully conscious. In one case, the patient thought he’d had a stroke.
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